Resolutions

I'm not one to make New Year's Resolutions but this year I've been thinking about it and I came up with this idea:

I am going to start journaling again.

When I got clean the first time I had this amazing therapist who told me to journal all of my feelings and everything I did daily. I didn't understand why I should do this at the time, but man let me tell you, after just a few months I was journaling like an old pro. I really got in tune with myself and I loved it.

I don't know why I ever stopped doing it. Laziness. Life. What have you, but I am going to try it again. Now I have to decide whether I want to just keep this personal and do it the old fashion way; pen and paper; or do I want to put it on here? What is a girl to do?

Oh, before I forget I wanted to let everyone who can read: You MUST read this book:

"Handle With Care" by Jodi Picoult

I read it in 2 days, it was the best book I've ever read. It was one of those books that when you start it you can not put it down no matter what is happening! It was definately a page turner. I found myself crying and laughing with the characters. There are times in the book when I wanted to scream at certain characters. I could empathize and at times I disagreed. Seriously if you're looking for a great read try it out, it is a Great book.

New Year, New LOVE?

Why do I do this to myself? I got home this morning and the little red light is flashing away on my answering machine, yes I still live in the stone ages with an acutal answering machine, so I hit the button while juggling grocery bags and trying to not squash my cat in the process. "This is so and so from so and so firm, I have you listed as an emergency contact for a L... E.. blah blah blah. I froze. What did she just say? Did she say that name, the name that even 2 years later still sends butterflies through me? I hope she didn't say her name. Re-play, yep she did.

My first thought: How the hell did SHE get this number? When we were together we each had cell phones. This is a new number. When did she get it and why is she listing me as a contact. Does she still think of me?

After torturing myself for a few minutes I called the number. Although the woman can't tell me exactly the reason for wanting to contact L, I have a pretty good idea. It has something to do with a litigation said the woman. Oh. Okay. Is she hurt? Is she in trouble? Why in the world do I care so much? When are these thoughts and feelings for this woman who completely devastated me gonna go away? When will I stop thinking of her and what I could have done differently? Why do I still love her?

It is time for me to meet someone. I am tired of being alone, no one next to me in that huge King size bed. Nobody to laugh with, to hug and kiss and be myself with. No one to cook for and no one to fuzzle my hair before I fall asleep.

To the big guy up in the sky,

could you please send me a girl, one who will love me and respect me and NOT cheat and .....

I promise I'll be good, please I'm dying of loneliness over here.

The Goods

A friend of mine Gavin (click here) posted a few of his favorite things ; can't you see Maria dancing ontop of the mountain? Anyways he challenged us all to list a few of our own fav's so here are mine:

1. When you meet that one person and you just know you're gonna fall head over heels for.
2. When I wake up and breathe a sigh of relief that I don't have to go in search of the dope man today.
3. When a friend calls and brightens my day.
4. When I'm all curled up cozy and comfy and my pain in the ass cat curls up in my lap and purrs away.
5. Watching babies sleep and smelling them too, oh and their little baby toes; I just love baby toes!
6. Having a great idea and being able to put it into words.
7. I'm stealing this from Gavin; but an "old fashion" hand written note; I love getting letters/cards in the mail.

There are tons more but Sunday is my brain's day off and I don't want to mess up the schedule; it could end up backfiring on me. So what are some of yours?

Baby New Year!

Holy Crap! Yesterday brought a big bundle of Christmas joy to a chinese couple; the poor woman gave birth to a 15lb, 1' baby boy on christmas eve! Ladies can you even wrap your head around that? I am hoping for this poor woman's sake she had a C-section and didn't have to deliver that sack of potatoes vaginally!

WWF Vatican Style

I am sitting here on Christmas morning, 2009 watching the Today show, enjoying my coffee and thinking ahead to the wonderful day I'll be spending with my family, when Anne reports a story about the Pope. I was barely paying attention, sipping coffee and smoking a cigarette, then I heard "the pope is doing fine today after last's night assault". WTF? Who in the hell assaults the most Holy man on the planet? I wasn't sure I heard correctly so pushed the cat off of my lap and turned the volume up on the tv, waiting for the Today show to repeat the report.

Sure as shit, that's what Anne had said; a "mentally-unstable" woman leaped over several people into the center aisle and took down the pope like a WWF wrestler. What in the world? I don't claim to be religious but seriously what vendetta could this woman have against Mr. Pope? Then I heard that this same woman tried to dropkick the Pope last year as well, but I'm assuming she didn't get to actually do it. What a crazy fucked up world we live in, when the Pope is assaulted during a Christmas Eve mass. I feel bad for humanity today.

Christmas isn't about presents, and trees, and miseltoe; Christmas is about the rebirth of spirituality. Today hold your loved ones close and remember the true meaning of Christmas, and pray for the crazy lady who attacked the damn Pope!

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good nite!

I'd just like to take a minute out of a very Hectic day to wish the blogosphere a very Merry Christmas!

I am usually not a very sentimental person but this year Christmas feels different for me, in a good way I might add. Last year I was still devastated by the loss of my ex and didn't want to be festive in any way. However, this holiday season I am in a much better place emotionally. I am looking forward to spending the day with my family and I am even planning on toasting my wonderful parents for their love and support.

I am coming to the end of my schooling and I am swelled with pride and joy. I couldn't have done any of this without the support of my family and I need to take the time out and recognize this. It seems a lifetime ago that I was so self-centered and destructive. When I was addicted to heroin, nothing else mattered to me and I could never have imagined I'd be graduating from school, working in a medical office or paying my bills. I've come a long way, but still my journey continues. I don't allow myself to get overly proud, cockiness will take me back to the places I've worked so hard on leaving behind, I never ever forget that.

So anyways I'd like to wish everybody a happy and healthy holiday season and good luck in the new year!

On a side note I was introduced to a new blog this morning and I thought I'd share it with you all, go check out: thewisdomwall.com its pretty awesome!

Just Wrong

You know what really upset me? When women take for granted all it means to bring new life into the world.

There's a couple who come into the restaurant, who are nice enough and tip well, but they actually disgust me.

They are definately what I would consider alcoholics. That isn't the problem. What bothers me is that they have a baby whom they a. drink and drive with and b. sit at the bar with. A bar is no place for a kid, no matter that the baby isn't really understanding what is going on around her, it's just not the place. It'd be one thing if they were parked in a booth on the side of the bar, but no these two were bellied up to the bar, toddler in lap. So right there in the middle of his Maker's Mart on the rocks and her cabernet was tinker toys! The gentelment sitting next to them was clearly pissed off and uncomfortable; as well as he should be.

Speaking of bellying up to the bar: I didn't mention that this woman is prego. Now before anyone splits their panties in an uproar, I'm not talking about an occasion glass of wine during pregnancy. This lady sucks down atleast 5 glasses each time she is in our restaurant, who knows how much she drinks at home. Here's another startling fact: this couple has lost a baby before. I don't know the specifics but I'm willing to bet money that it had something to do with drinking/fetal alcohol syndrome.

I am not usually someone who judges, seeing as I myself had an addiction problem. I don't have any children though. It infuriates me that as a gay single woman in PA, I could probably Never adopt a baby and this couple is taking for granted the one that is already born and taking unnecessary risks with the unborn one.

Burnedoutw8ress-Official Extern

I DID IT, WHOO WHOO!

I am an official extern for a medical office! I couldn't be more elated if they were paying me! Oh wait, I think being paid would actually make me explode my guts everywhere, but hey a girl can't be picky!

No but seriously I am thrilled to have gotten the job. I really think I'll learn a lot there. The people seem really cool and sarcastic just like me; I think I'm gonna fit right in. The doctor was really cool too; not at all what I expected a doctor to be like. He actually called some of his patients "weirdos", yep this is gonna be great!

Interview #1

Well I had my very first ever formal interview yesterday, and well let's just say it didn't go as I expected;

Everything was going well, I made eye contact, maintained a smile, was polite, firm handshake, blah blah blah, and then the interviewer hit me with this: "so you'll mostly be in the back of the office and perform patient care". Um, what? Apparently the interviewer didn't completely read my resume, because I am not a medical assistant, I am an administrator. She felt awful that she brought me in for no reason really, but hey it's cool. If anything it gave me a chance to get over the initial stage fright and they say to always take any interview you can, practice makes perfect!

I have another interview this afternoon but I am not really all that interested. I say that only because I've talked with the office manager and she's told me that they don't do any of their billing and coding, it gets sent out to a private company. Augh, doesn't any doctor's office to their own coding? How am I ever going to get to see it done live and in person? Just a little frustrated over here!

I'm not gonna bitch and moan and after all is said and done if the only externship I can get doesn't allow me to do any coding, well then I guess I will have to take it anyway and hope for the best.

On a good note; Man I clean up nice, I look GREAT in my professional business suit! Not too shabby for a pasta slinging burnedoutw8ress!

Confidence Restored

So I dropped about 20 resumes in the mail last week looking for an externship opportunity and I was feeling very discouraged when as of this morning I hadn't heard from a single one. That is until I got home from school today and there were 2 count em' 2 messages from doctor's offices requesting interviews with yours truly...the coffee refilling redhead is on the make! Watch out world cause here I come!

I wonder if in 17 years from now I will be calling myself burnedoutmedicalcoderwhomakesatonofmoney? Just sayin'

All Bulk and No Brains

Yep, it is happend: Just when I thought people couldn't get any stupider, one of my customers last night takes the cake:

This couple I had was weird from the start; he was one of those steroid taking baby Huey's, you know the type; big muscles, no brain and she was well, unattractive to say the least but tried to cover up the ugly with about 3 tons of covergirl.

Anyway, Mr. Health conscious asked me for extra napkins so he could absorb the grease from the top of his pizza, whatever loser. He piles like a dozen paper napkins ontop of his scalding hot pizza and then has the nerve to call me to the table and says this:

"um, could I have a new pizza, the napkins melted into the cheese and now I can't eat it".

Are you kidding me? Fuckin people SUCK!

People Suck

This post is dedicated to the couple that I endured last night...I HATE YOU!

It was a veryvery slow night and at 10 my boss told me and the other server we could leave (we close at 11) whoo whoo an early night, now I can get some work done on the paper I am writing for class and actually get an extra hour of sleep. Wait not so fast, I had a table that had been done eating for atleast half an hour, but they were having a "meeting" isn't that what conference rooms and offices are for? So as I'm giving them the evil waitress eye don't you know that another table walks in off the street! Damn it all to hell!

It's 10:30 and I could've been home half hour ago but whatever. This couple seems to notice their surroundings and asks me if it's too late to get something to eat. I try in my most sincerest voice to not tell them to get the fuck outta here! They were very conscious of the fact that it was late and they said that they wouldn't keep me they were gonna eat and run. Ok.

Don't you know like 3 minutes after the new couple sits down, my other table is ready to leave! Damn it if they would'a just left 10 minutes ago all would be well with the world, but no such luck.

So I serve the couple and expect that since it is now 11:15 and they are the only people in the place and they said they'd be fast, they'd be leaving. Nope!

These fuckers continuted to sit there until 11:45, an hour and 45 minutes after the fact that I couldve been showered, studied, and in bed! I hate people!

CODING BLITZ

I spent the weekend at what you could call a "training session" for medical coding. The woman giving the seminar called it a Coding Blitz and after the 16 hours I spent in that room, I now understand what she meant. I feel like Big Ben Rothlesburger right now! I've been blitzed and I can't get up!

In seriousness I am glad I went. I learned an awful lot that I didn't know about code selection and I also met 2 women who are going to pass my resume on to their bosses for me. I'm hoping to get an externship out of this! I'm coming around to the home stretch of my academic training and honestly I'm a little afraid!

As much as I want to get out of the restaurant industry; it is ALL I know! I've been waiting on tables since I was 13 years old and I've never held any other kind of job. Will I let this defeat me? No, of course not, but being the hyper freak that hates change I've got to spew my fears on to my fellow bloggers! I am afraid (don't let this get out, my rep as bitchy, hardass waitress will suffer) I won't find anyone willing to hire me.

I've done all the prep work: I've written the resume, the cover page, I've put together a portfolio, I've maintained a 3.98 GPA and I've gotten tons of professor's recommendations, but still...I'm being torn from my comfort zone and I don't like it! Just thinking about going on interviews and describing myself makes me throw up a little in my mouth! Just being honest.

Any suggestions out there for a hopeless nonprofessional hard-ass waitress?

Waitressing Flashbacks Part III

Sorry it's taken me so long to post part 3; hope you all enjoy it as much as Part I and Part II!

I have a confession to make: the story I posted about MOBY DICK'S Grilled cheese was an experience of my cousin J's who also worked at the same restaurant. Sorry J, here's your credit now get off my freaking back; love ya!

1. Oh Yea!

This hilarious episode came from a dear friend of mine whom I currently work with. She was at a previous job when a woman with 4 kids sat in her section. Of course like most of these dreaded tables the kids were obnoxious and the mother was 10 times more obnoxious. The icing on the cake was when the woman asked my friend to please bring over a pitcher of water with no ice and 5 glasses. Not really thinking much about it, my friend brings over the pitcher and walks away. As she glances back over her section she sees the woman ripping open a packet of cherry flavored Kool-Aid and proceeds to mix her own beverage of choice for her and her brats! Of course my friend was pissed; as well as she should have been, you don't bring your own drinks into a restaurant for God's sake have a little class, huh. My irate friend goes to her manager who was a complete pansy to tell him what's going on and his spineless ass just tells her to let it go. What a weinie!

2. Trix are for kids

My aunt, yep the same one, recently had an altercation at the restaurant she works at. I swear this restaurant attracts more assholes and weirdos than any other place on earth! But getting back to the story... this restaurants policy on ordering from the children's menu goes like this: any child under the age of 10 may order from the kiddie menu. Ok not rocket science here right?

A very obese woman sits at one of my aunt's tables and asks for a child's menu, my aunt nicely explains to her that she is in fact too old to order from the children's menu but tells the woman that they do have a "senior" menu which anyone can order from. The woman is baffled and pissed off and decides to just leave. Whatever no skin off my aunt's ass, ya know.

The next week the same woman plops her fat ass in my aunt's table again and before my aunt can say anything the woman whips a prescription from her purse and says that she is on a strict diet and her doctor wrote her a prescription to order off of the child's menu! WTF! Without missing a beat my aunt says and I quote, "I'm sorry but we don't fill prescriptions here"! Man I wish I was there. But once again we humble servers lose the good fight and management lets this woman order her kids breakfast for $1.99. Cheap bitch!

3. Ultimate fighting--server style

It is never a good idea to date someone you work with. At a place I worked at years ago the head waitress was dating one of the cooks. It was one of those tumultuous relationships that was just doomed to fail. Those two fought like cats and dogs while they were hashing out food to the hundreds of customers, and then as soon as they got a couple of beers in them they were all lovey dovey again. This "courtship" went on and off again for 3 odd years.

A new waitress starts, and of course the head waitress has to train her but instead of explaining the rules and showing her where things are the head waitress tells her trainee that HER boyfriend is the cook and to stay away from him. Can you imagine what is going through this girls head; she probably just like WTF I'm just here to make some money.

You can see where this story is going to go right? Well of course the cook and the new girl "hookup" and the head waitress finds out. The real problem is not so much that she found out, but when she found out. It was a crazy, busy, jamming Friday night.

I was minding my own business, trying to punch an order into the computer when all of a sudden I hear a loud crash. I peek into the kitchen and these two waitresses are going at it like Mike Tyson style; fists are flying, words are spewing and hair is everywhere! Just as I finish putting my order in, the doors to the kitchen come flying open and out comes a tornadous whirlwind of cat-fighting waitresses! They literally beat the shit out of each other in the middle of the dining room! Itwas total mayhem! Everyone just stood there, nobody had a clue what to do so we just let them duke it out! Customers were placing bets, odds were being calculated, it was great!

The newbie ended up mopping the floor with the head waitress and 2 weeks later they were both fired! What a great night though I tell you!

Burndoutw8ress, Pet Psychic

I think I have finally lost it! I have just spent the last 20 minutes having a conversation with my cat.

Mia, while cut as hell, is an incessant crier. She whines this tiny little Meow at all hours of the day and night and for no good reason I might add. She only started this little habit after the EX left a year or so ago. Can she really be missing her?

Ok so I did try to be understanding at first but now I am ready to kill her. That incessant little cry is annoying! I try everything: treats, a belly rub, petting, brushing, nothing works. She doesn't want anything, she just likes to hear herself I think.

So I pulled Mia onto my lap and asked her "what can I do to make you stop this whining?". She stared at me with those big golden eyes like, "but whatever are you talking about mommy?" then she starts purring. Augh! We are going to get to the bottom of this I say to her. I start talking with her as if I am her shrink. "Ok Mia what are you feeling right now". No answer just continued purring. This one sided conversation goes on until I realize that I am indeed talking to a cat and she is going to do whatever she wants. Cats are finicky that way.

Shitting Triangles

I of course have to make a joke about a serious problem I am having as a result of the medicine I must take to remain sober. I'm talking of course about methadone, which I take to be able to function without heroin.

I am grateful to methadone for saving my life and getting me to stop shooting dope but the side effects are gruesome! The biggest problem that methadone or opiate users for that matter, face is severe constipation. I experienced this when I was still using dope but whenever I felt the rumbling feelings of gas bubbles I'd just do another bag and those pesky pains would go away.

I am now not so lucky! There are times when I can't go for days. And I mean days. days. and days. It hurts to say the least.

I was in so much pain that I just couldn't take it anymore and I had to go the emergency room. Let me remind you that I am one of 50 million Americans who is UNINSURED, but I had to go. Talk about being embarrased; I wanted to crawl into a hole and die rather than tell the admitting nurse what brought me in to the hospital. I sucked it up and told and 2 hours later I got to see the doctor. All they could really do for me is give me an enema. Gross. That is all I have to say about that. But I felt better...until I got the bill: $425 for a freakin enema. Seriously you can buy a fleet enema at Rite Aid for about a buck!

I take an array of stomach/bowel meds daily: Miralax, laxatives, stool softners, fiber, fiber, fiber, water and more fiber. Yet I still get debilitating pains. I don't understand it and I can't stand it anymore.

I know that the easiest solution would be to just get off the methadone, but that scares me. What will happen. I am running myself ragged with school full-time and working full-time and I'm just afraid that if I get off meth I'll give in to cravings and exhaustion. That has been my problem every single time I get clean, I get tired and weak and I succumb to the evils of heroin.

For now I guess the best I can do is suck up the pain.

Best Show EVER

OMG, that was the BEST live performance I have ever seen! To say that I loved it isn't giving it enough justice! I was entranced for the entire show, it was just wonderful! I'm usually not much of a Christmas kinda gal but the Rockettes definately got me "in the mood" in more ways than one!

Ok maybe that was saying too much! But if you have the chance to see these high kicking, dancing machines do NOT hesitate! Someday I would love to get up to New York City to see them perform at their home stage but believe me Pittsburgh's production was spectacular.

If I had to choose a favorite scene it would have to be the wooden soldiers. I can't even imagine how many hours of rehearsals these girls go through to get it just right. Everyone is in unison and they have to be all stiff like soldiers and then fall into eachother, it is just great! I felt like a little kid again and I guess that's what Christmas is all about!

Radio City here I come!

To Shirley, the woman I had the displease of waiting on yesterday afternoon, I will be watching for you and will be expecting the tip you so graciously "forgot" to leave me! Be afraid, be very afraid...

Well I feel better!

So guess where I am going today? To see the Radio City Christmas Spectacular featuring none other than the ROCKETTES! I am so excited. I love live performances and I've never seen the rockettes before. There are 9 of my female family members going; we are gonna have a blast! I'll let you know how it was, stay tuned....

Where's that 8 year old little girl?

Annie the movie was on tv this morning as I flipped through the channels and I just had to watch it. This was my favorite movie as a kid; I used to want to be Annie. Well minus the orphan thing and the big red afro!

When I turned the movie on it was the part when Daddy Warbuck's decides to take her to the movies. I never thought about it much as a kid but that guy rented out the whole 8'oclock show at Radio City Music Hall; that must've cost him a small fortune! Guess that's why they called him Mr. Warbuck's!

My absolute favorite character is Ms. Hannigan; Carol Burnette was hysterical in that part! I love that she was a drunk who was taking care of all these unfortuante orphans and she was IN LOVE with Mr. Bundles the drycleaning guy!

Anyways as I'm watching I can help but to start sobbing like a little girl! What the hell is this all about? It just brought back memories of childhood and my parents and stuff. I'm a bit sentimental with all that's going on with my dad losing his job. So there I am, 31 years old watching Annie and crying like a dope!

Why can't I be 8 years old again when everything was so much simplier? I appreciate the fact that my parents trust me enough and acknowledge that I'm an adult to tell me about the situation, but how I wish I could be their "little" naive girl again!

I know that somehow everything is going to work out for them and maybe it's truly a blessing in disguise, but I am scared. My parents have always been my pillar of security and I only wish that I could be theirs in return.

A Thanksgiving of Hope

I wanted to post about Thanksgiving of course but I had to do something different, so I choose this picture because it reminds me of family and growth and being grateful and life and other such thanksgiving themes.

I would like to say that I am so grateful to have grown up in a two-parent home where morals and values were bestowed upon me. My mother worked evenings as a waitress but always found the time to cook us dinner EVERYDAY. She packed school lunches, made us breakfast and also helped to support our family financially. My father worked during the day and when we he got home from work would heat up the home cooked meal my mother had worked so hard on before she had to leave for work. That is what a family means to me: everybody working together to get things done.

Growing up I was the only kid who's parents were married to eachother and lived in the same household. I couldn't understand why none of my friends were around on the weekends. I know it now but then it just didn't make sense to me. My parents are the two most important people in my life. They taught me that while life may and most of the time be unfair and grueling if you stick it out together, things can and will get better.

So on this day of Thanks I'd like to acknowledge my wonderful, supportive and still married parents who have shown me more love than anyone else in this world. I love both of you dearly.

Happy Thanksgiving Blogosphere!

Waitressing Flashbacks Part II

Here it is, drum roll please...

I wasn't going to name names but screw it. The restuarant that gave me most of my stories is one called EatnPark. This place is also where Moby Dick frequented. It is an establishment of crazies, both the employees and the customers. It's a chain similiar to Denny's or Perkin's and they have stores all over Pittsburgh and the surrounding area. I happened to work at the one in which Mayview state hospital must've had a prearranged agreement with because most of the customers there were certifiable-and that's no joke!

Getting down to business, here are just a couple of tidbits of what I and my fellow employees had to put up with everyday:

1. The Hamburgular

I was working the grave yard shift at the time and my store was known for battles ensuing throughout the dining area and parking lot as well, that's what happens when mental patients get drunk and then decide they need food at 2:30 in the morning. On this one occasion I was waiting on an enebriated man who slurred out his order to me; he wanted a Superburger. It's a double decker burger in between 3 buns. Like a Big Mac but substitute the 1000 island for tartar, ok so you know what I'm talking about. I proceed.

We had an extremely busy rush and happened to run out of superburger buns this night. I very nicely explained this to drunkie, and at the time he either didn't care or was to drunk to realize I was even talking to him. When I brought the burger out it was on a regular bun, it didnt have the classic middle bun. No big deal right? Wrong!

The guy started to freak out! He was screaming and crying and acting like a complete deranged idiot over a freakin bun, so what do I do? I dial #1 on speed dial: the local police precinct. We have them on speed dial because shit like this happens all the time.

The cops show up and I explain the situation, they seem amused by his reign of holy terror over a fucking hamburger. They go over and tell him he has 2 choices; he can either eat the burger or he can leave. He chooses neither option and starts to cuss the cops and damns me to eternal hell for conspiring agains Superburger Gods. The cops don't have time for his shit and are no longer amused.

The proceed to fight him to the ground and handcuff him. Before walking him out to their cruiser, they stop him at the register and the one cop reaches into the guys back pocket, pulls out a $20 and tells me to ring up the check and keep the change. I am delighted!

Guy really freaks out because he realizes that I am getting close to a $15 tip! What does a super waitress do in this position? I put the biggest smile on my face and say to the guy, "have a great night in the slammer Mr. Hamburgular and thanks for the awesome tip!

2. Toast

There is a group of women that I dreaded waiting on at the same restuarant mentioned above. They came in every weekday morning at 7:00 am and I swear to God they have the most difficult order I have ever taken in my whole 17 years of waiting on tables!

There are usually 3 of them, sometimes 4. Anyways they all order toast.

I know what you're thinking, what's so difficult about ordering toast? Let me explain...

Woman #1 ( and I am being gracious with the term) likes white toast, toasted only on the front side of the bread, not buttered, cut in 4's, butter packets on the side with strawberry jelly.

Woman #2 wants italian toast but only if the bread isn't too large or too small, toasted dark but not burnt, buttered lightly, on a dinner plate not the little plate with grape jelly and orange marmalade, and don't cut the toast because 15 years ago someone in the kitchen cut her toast with the same knife used to cut onions and she can still to this day taste the onion!

Woman #3 likes rye but she asks every single fucking time if the rye has seeds and when she is told yes she sighs and huffs but orders it anyway and if she's feeling really bitchy will ask you to remove the seeds, NO I AM NOT KIDDING YOU! She wants her's toasted lightly, soft melted butter on the side, a package of cream cheese and could you microwave it a few seconds cause if it's too hard it'll rip the precious seeded rye toast.

I could go on to woman #4 but I think you get the picture. Just stay the fuck at home and make your own goddamned toast!

These heifers still come in everyday, I know because my aunt waits on them now, so sorry aunt M!

Stay tuned for parts III- XXX; I could go on with these forever!

Bookworm lost without a read

Ok I know that I just posted but I need some help.

I am an avid reader and at the moment can't find anything to read! So anyone have any suggestions?

I like to read biographies, memoirs, fiction and the classics as well. NO romance or sci-fi.

Ok thanks
burnedout with nothin to read!

Monday rocks

I am HaPpIeR than a pig in shit today!

I'm still on a high from my awesome weekend at work! This is a rare statement that I actually get to make about my job as a waitress, but no less true for today anyways. Business was BOOMING this whole weekend and it carried into Monday for me as well. Thank God; I was really starting to think about prostitution as a way to supplement my income!

I love when I am reminded of how good I am at what I do.

Last night was a flashback of sorts to when I first began this hectic career as a Super Waitress. We were busy but everything ran smoothly. Tables got sat at just the right times, food came out of the kitchen promptly and correctly and customers were NICE, APPRECIATIVE, and COMPENSATING APPROPRIATELY! Pardon me and my use of all caps, I don't know another way to express my happiness on this here internet!

My grand mood has carried over to today as well, boy I must be on a streak of good luck! I aced my sociology exam today, I finally understand how to add and subtract fractions (don't laugh, you try and do it without a calculator after 15 years!) and I am off work until Friday. What more can I ask for?

Waitressing Flashbacks Part I

I've spent this past week consulting my waitressing friends and family members about their most outlandish restaurant stories and these are a few that we've hashed out. I hope you enjoy them as much as we have had experiencing them. With no further ado:

1. The Crisco Fiasco

This one comes from my mother and really me typing it doesn't give it the justice that she could, but since she can't even work an ATM machine... anyways it goes like this:

At a restaurant she worked in 20 years ago they had a glass, refrigerated case where they would put the pies and deserts on display. One of the best selling deserts they made was a pecan ball. For those who have never had this frozen orgasmic treat, it is a ball of vanilla icecream rolled in chopped pecans and drizzled with hotfudge and whipped cream. Pay attention, I said ICECREAM. In order to display a pecan ball in the case the manager made one out of crisco and it looked exactly like the real thing.

So my mother is waiting on this woman. It comes to the end of the meal and my mom asks the woman if she'd like desert, the woman says no. So the next thing you know, out of the corner of her eye my mother catches a glimpse of the woman opening the desert case and selecting the "pecan ball". Sure my mom could have warned the woman that she was choosing a ball of crisco, but what fun would that be? The woman, who was too cheap to order a desert, decided to take it upon herself and steal one from the case. BIG mistake.

After consuming half of said pecan ball the fatass calls my mother to the table and says "um, there's something wrong with your icecream, it tastes spoiled". To my mother's delight she (and I don't know how she kept a straight face) says, "well ma'am that is because you are eating crisco, the case you stole that out of is a refrigerator not a freezer and we have no way of displaying icecream".

Long story short the woman felt like a jackass and my mother got the satisfaction she deserved!

2. My aunt and I used to work together at a family style restaurant similiar to Perkins or Denny's. We had a big fat guy that used to come in and demand extra extra cheese on everything he ate. He was disgusting and rude and all the waitresses HATED him. We nicknamed him Moby Dick.

On said night, Moby Dick ordered a grilled cheese with double cheese. Let me tell you that this restaurant already loaded thier grilled cheeses with 5 slices to begin with. My aunt tells the cook to make sure she puts double the amount of cheese on Moby Dick's sandwich. This is now 10 slices of American cheese between 2 slices of white bread mind you, enough cheese to constipate a horse.

Fatass Moby Dick is unsatisfied with the amount of dairy product, of course and demands more. Ok, my aunt takes it back and now the cook is pissed. She is one to not hold back so in her infinate wisdom she decides she will give this guy the largest amount of cheese she can find. When my aunt is paged to the kitchen for her order I am standing there laughing my ass off. In the pick up window is a block of cheese in between two slices of bread. Like the whole block, like in the deli! My aunt is so hysterical (she actually peed her pants!) she can't even serve Moby Dick. I taking after my mother can definately pull this stunt off.

You should have seen the look on Moby's face!

Moby Dick never did ask for extra extra anything, and a few years later when he passed away, us waitresses danced around the kitchen singing, Ding dong the dick is dead!

There are tons more stories like these but this post is getting way too long so I'll give you some more in the days to come. Please tell me some of your work stories, they don't have to be restaurant stories, anything to get even or laugh about will work!

Radio Please

What is up with the Christmas tunes already? Is it just Pittsburgh or all of you people over the world being brainwashed too?

I'm all for Chirstmas carols but come on it's not even Thanksgiving yet! I hate when they do this, the radio stations that is, every year it seems they start playing them earlier and earlier. If they keep this rate up we'll be humming jingle bells on the 4th of July for chirst's sake!

I just can't get into the holiday spirit when it is 55 degrees and there are still leaves on the trees! I know that this freakish weather isn't normal for an eastern state but seriously I am drawing the line. Please can we celebrate one holiday at a time! The poor turkeys, they are getting the shaft!

I like Christmas just as much as the next guy but it is too damned early for jingle bells, I'll be sick of these tunes before we even get a first snowfall! If I have to listen to ole chris cringle for the next 6 weeks I wont have to wait for reindeer; I'll run grandma over with my chevy!

Fear

It's only 7 am and already I've been hit with a bomb. When my phone rang at this early morning hour I immediately went into panic mode; who the hell is calling me this early? It was my father.

He said to me that he has something very important he needs to discuss with me, um ok daddy what's going on? The jist is this:

The company that my father has worked for for the last 34 years held a meeting this past week and told him and the other employees that they will be moving but they're not sure when and they will hope to be able to tell the employees by January. I am speechless.

My dad doesn't know whether or not he will have a job.

I am floored and tears are welling up in my eyes. You know what my wonderful rock of a father tells me:

"I will make it through this".

What?

The strength that eminates from my father is unfreaking believable. He is such a quiet and serene man. "Such is life" he tells me. He is the rock that holds my family together. I use to think it was my mother, who by the way is freaking out (and rightfully so) but no it is my dad, definately. He has this kind of courage that you just don't see anymore. I love that man to pieces.

As we were hanging up he tells me that he is gonna get all his ducks in a row and whatever happens, happens. He is not bitter, he's not freaking out, kicking or screaming, crying, No he's getting their finances straight and looking at options and talking about a future. He is my hero today and I only wish to have half of his strength.

I love my parents and I am scared for them. I know this is happening to Americans all over the country, but that doesn't offer any comfort. What is happening to our country? People who work hard all thier lives and do the right thing are getting shit on and I for one am sick of it.

I am by no means a religious person, so I'll ask you folks if you could, would you send some positive thoughts my family's way?

Yea I'm a Bitch, So What Else You Got For Me?!

I want to talk about how much I hate waiting on kids, toddlers, children, gremlins, babies etc. The other night I let out a sigh of disgust as I watched a family of 4 small children being sat in my section.

Yep you're right; I am prejudice. I HATE kids. No, I do not give you the benefit of the doubt; I judge you and your kids before I even approach your table.

I am bias I know, but after 17 years of cleaning up puke, throwing way tons of soggy sugar packets, and having my eardrums explode out of the side of my head I feel as though I am entitled to my hatred of ankle bitting toddlers.

Case in point:

As I am trying to take the order from the ADULT at the table, this whiny, snot-nosed little brat screams at me "hey lady". What? Are you f...ing kidding me, have some respect for your elders kid, I am here to make sure your stupid chicken fingers get here for you to shove into your face hole.

I am NOT one of those waitresses that dote over your "cute" offspring. Personally I don't think its so special that little Janey lost her tooth. Big fucking deal--we all lose teeth. Show me something truly spectacular like an olympic medal or your degree from brain surgery school or something.

While I'm at it, your precious newborn isn't all the cute. Frankly, she's quite ugly; she looks like an alien. Her skin is all wrinkly, her ears stick out from her big bald head and she's got a bad case of cradle cap, eww her head skin is fluffing off onto the table! Get her outta here or atleast put her back in that devise that took you an hour to get out of the car and lets say we get down to business:

Would you like soup or salad with your chicken parm?

Stupid is as Stupid does

The belief that our American children are retards has been proven yet again to me.

Yesterday I am sitting in my sociology class and I can't help but overhear the girl sitting next to me. She is asking her friend about the paper we had due that morning. She had to research the topic Indian government. Her question was... Did you really write your paper or did you just cut and paste it from the internet? Her equally dumb friend replied..."dah, I can't write I just copied it from Wikipedia".

After rolling my eyes about 100 times I decide I am going to enlighten these two morons about a little thing called plagerism.

I say to them... "You do realize that what you did is plagerism right"? Their blank stares told me that no they did not know what I was talking about. I tried to explain that when you use something that has already been written by someone else you have to cite it and can't take the credit for someone else's work. Easy enough, common sense, right?

Wrong.

Their reply to my infinite wisdom....

"Well Ms. S. didn't say that we had to use citations".

Really stupid. Isn't this common knowledge? What the fuck are we teaching kids in school? I don't know about you but I just assumed that everyone knew the rules about copyrights and plagerism and doing your OWN work?!

I guess not.

God I cant wait to be done with school.

I would also like to say that I miss Ron, hope you're enjoying your intermission buddy, but please hurry back; the withdrawl is getting pretty bad over here!

Today is one of those days .... I want to get high.

I want to escape.

I don't want to feel.

I am tired, so tired, overworked, and discouraged.

Alone and afraid.

I get so mad at myself for feeling this way; my life is going really good. Things could be so much worse; I could have no home, no food, no future. What is wrong with me? Why am I so self defeating? What is this allure of a drug that nearly killed me? Hiding won't do me any good, it won't make me "feel" better, it won't make me energetic; it will destroy again. It will rape me; it will cause turmoil and disgust and hopelessness.

Instead of doing what I am supposed to do: ignore, talk about, work through the urge, I am romanticizing. The needle slides into my vein like butter, the dark omniscent blood flows into the syringe and as I push the plunger the heroin slams into me like a roaring freight train. I feel it's warmth from the top of my head down to my toes. I am awashed in pleasure, no feeling, no anxiety, love and ... death.

I have to stop this. I need to stop this. I don't want to stop this.

Somedays I really HATE being a recovering drug addict. I hate this battle that I have to endure. Fighting myself is so difficult; but I must do it. I must not let It win again.

I imagine what my life will be like if I were to get high today. It is not the picture I want to see. I will not go back there. I will talk about this ugly feeling and I will not pick up the needle. I am safe again.

AUGH!!!!!

I am one of those people who get annoyed on a regular basis. I can't help it; I am not a very accepting person, sue me.

One of the things that pisses me off the most is blatent disrespect.

I have mentioned before that I am attending school. My "college" is one of those 18 month programs, trade-school kinda deals. We are not a University by any means, but we are no doubt an Institution of Learning. When I signed my life away and took out the frightening large amount of money to attend this "school" I was under the impression that I would be attending classes with other adults.

I was lied to.

I don't want to be one of those old people who bitch and moan about the young people today, but ... OMG the kids today are out of control!

They are so rude to everyone; teachers, other students, the janitor. I am sitting in class today trying to work on a paper I have to write about the French language. Even though I am in a classroom I cannot hear myself think. Everyone is shouting over one another trying to be heard, phones are ringing, people are texting, fighting, Kissing! Really? Kissing, get a room!

Why can't teachers beat kids anymore? When was this outlawed? I wish that I could beat them. In my day, the teachers had control of the classroom. We were taught to be quiet and respect other people. What is it exactly we are teaching these kids today when we give them this sense of entitlement that they seem to possess? Honestly we're not helping them.

Parents, teachers, milkmen everywhere...Beat the kids again-they need it!

Just wonderin...what irritates you?

Stow it Edith

I would like to dedicate this post to the two women I had the pleasure of waiting on last night.

Table 26 I'd like to say... a big fat Fuck you!

These 2 women, who ordered 2 waters and 1 pizza between the two of them, are frequenters of my section (unfortuantely) and last night I had had enough of their crap.

When I brought their pizza to the table, one of them started to complain that the pizza was "really kinda thin". I refrained from telling them that our pizza is a THIN crust, of course unless specified thick; I apologized and asked if I could have them make a new pizza for them. This idea was shot down before I even got it out of my mouth.

If you are going to bitch about something, but then not want anything done about it; Shut the fuck up because I really don't give a shit if your crust is too thin. I am just saying that if you're bitching just to hear your own voice, Don't cause this 'superwaitress' isn't listening anymore!

To prove my point the pizza couldn't have been all that bad, I mean the heifers ate the whole thing!

Tip your servers, we have to deal with a ton of bullshit that we shouldn't have to and apologize for things that are not our fault!

The other day I had to make an excursion to a part of town I rarely get to see; Oakland. Now for those of you who are unfamiliar with Pittsburgh, Oakland is home to dozens of hospitals, colleges and of course The University of Pittsburgh's main campus. The campus sprawls over most of the cement landscape of the neighborhood.

As I stepped off of that bus it felt as though I was being transported to another place in time; a place that I could have and should have been. I walked through the maze of beaten pathways and allowed myself to fantasize that I was one of the lucky students who attended this college.

I pictured myself as one of those scholarly types; backpack strewn across one shoulder, open text book in the other as I casually make my way between classes, smoking a cigarette and enjoying a double latte, extra foam. I swear to you I could feel the intelligence in the air, I could smell the debates brewing amongst students, and I could hear the lecturing of a well-known professor. I suddenly very much needed it to be real; I have this great desire to be a student at a University now.

I can't help but wonder that if my life hadn't turned the corner it did, would I have gotten the chance to be one of these students here or maybe somewhere in Boston? The bigger question I asked myself was that if I had had that chance would I have felt the same admiration and appreciated it the way I did right now? Would I have even took notice of the sprawling campus or the architecture of the old buildings around me? Would I have loved my experience or would I have thrown it all away?

I would have probably ended up wasting a ton of my parents money and a lot of my time. Life happens for a reason. So I didn't get the chance to go off to some great college then, but if I play my cards right I could one day end up walking those paths as an official student, right?

Veterans of America

I would like to take a moment to thank each and every veteran and active military member for your selfless service to our country.

My father is a Vietnam Veteran. I don't know much about his tour, but the stuff he has shared with me is enough to know that I could not have done what they did. No amount of words can truly express my gratitude and love for my father as a soldier. He was a young man of 18 when he was shipped thousands of miles away to a jungle he knew nothing of. My father had lost his own father a mere 4 years before he left for Vietnam. Maybe he was searching for him. Maybe my dad was searching for himself.

Growing up with a Vet for a dad I learned early on to respect soldiers everywhere by thanking them whenever and where ever I run into them. Whether we were in the grocery store or the mall, when my father saw a fellow soldier he always approached them and said his thank you's. I am ashamed to admit this but when I was younger this act embarrassed me and I thought my dad was a strange man. On this day of rememberance I realize that my father is not strange my father is a respectful, loving, devoted soldier who is still trying to heal his wounds.

Please take a minute out of what is left this Veteran's Day to say thank you to the men and women who are giving their lives for our freedom.

DrumRoll Please...My 2nd Award!

Gavin deemed me worthy of an award, GO ME & Gavin too! His writing is really worth checking out, becasue: (a.) its fantastic style and (b.) it is totally 100% honest! Click here to catch a glimpse of this wonderful writer insanitysmusings.blogspot.com. Thank you Gavin for thinking of me!

As with all awards they come with rules, so here they are:

1. Thank whoever gave this to you

2. Copy award

3. Post it in your blog

4. Tell us 7 things that your readers don’t know

5. Link 7 new bloggers

6. Notify winners of the award with a comment on their blog

7. Keep being awesome!

My seven secret things you don't know (& maybe don't want to know) about me:

1. I live on Ho Ho's and coffee

2. My all-time favorite movie is A TREE GROWS IN BROOKLYN

3. I love to read biographies/memoirs

4. I have a strange fascination with the color yellow

5. I sometimes wish that I was born with a penis

6. I'm scared that I will never have children

7. I've been in jail

Now comes the hard part; having to choose only 7 bloggers to pass the award on to. Here are the folks that I've come up with, and seriously check them out!

whisperingwriter.blogspt.com

confessionsfromaworkingmom.blogspot.com

littlemaniac.blogspot.com

ishouldabeenastripper.com

midgetmanofsteel.com

natthefatrat.com

tattytiara.blogspot.com

Back in the Saddle, Saturday

Alas my fifteen minutes of fame are up! (see Interview)

After having had my Saturday lunch shifts involuntarily ripped from me sometime in early summer, I have been so graciously put back on the schedule! It has been a while since I had worked a double Saturday and I forgot how fun (torturistic) they truly can be.

I start my shift at 11:00 am, which seems pretty silly because the first customers don't start trickeling in until sometime after noon. But being the hardworking, super-waitress that I am, I found plenty of things to keep me busy (out of Boss's line of vision).

I stock the kitchen chalk full of dressing, vinegar, to-go containers, hairnets(yea right), and other kitchenly items. Wow would you look at the time, its 11:11! I make my way out into the deserted dining room and check all 31 sugar bowls, parmesean cheese shakers, salt and peppers shakers and shiny silverware for fullness/shineyness. Good God time just flies when you're having fun, 11:17.

Oh shit here comes Boss! I dart from his sight into the noisy kitchen and proceed to restock (overstock) kitchenly items, 11:30.

I make several laps around dining room (still deserted) until I realize that I could waste time and stay out of vision line by peeing, 11:34.

Oh screw this! I sit down in back of deserted dining room, fuck, Boss sees all! I am ripped new asshole for sitting down on my job when I could be working, 11:59.

First customer enters, sits in other waitress's section. This is gonna be a long day!

Huggs and Kisses and Many Many Thanks!

I just wanted to take the time out to thank everyone who has read and commented on the interview over at vent. I am so glad that I had the chance to share my story with the blogosphere! Although I am proud of myself I have to remember to stay humble and not let all the praise get to my head or trouble will soon prevail! Thanks again everyone, love you all!

Boob Shadows

Ok folks my mother had to have a heart catheterization this morning and they found a blockage so they inserted a stent. She'll be okay. The reason I am posting this is to show you guys how my family is and how we deal with things. We laugh.

As the doctor is explaining things to us this morning she tells us that she looked over the stress test herself but isn't sure if the marks are blockages or just breast shadows. At the words breast shadow we all look at eachother and bust out laughing. The doctor has this look on her face like, what's so damn funny and in between chuckles I explain to her that my mother doesn't have boobs so how the hell can she have shadows? She cracks a smile and we instantly feel at ease with her qualifications, she'll treat my mom ok.

An Interview with Ron

A fellow blogger asked me earlier in the week if I would interview with him. I absolutely love his blog and have read his other interviews, so when he asked I immediately said yes. Then he told me what he wanted to talk with me about: my previous addiction to heroin. Gulp! I didn't have to think about it long though, I knew that Ron would do an outstanding job! He is respectful, funny, sarcastic and has this amazing way to make me laugh and think at the same time!
We discussed addiction and both know that people have misconceptions about what/who addicts are, together we hope that this interview will shed some light on the subject. Feel free to comment both here and on Ron's blog, and without further ado, I give you Ron from vent ...

Crazy workplaces

So I was at my grandmother's house last night and my aunt and I were talking about the crazy things that go on at our jobs. I was thinking that maybe we could all share some horror stories about this with eachother in order to maybe lessen our loads, or if nothing else get a big laugh! So I'll go first:

A few months ago there was a sign on our cooler door. Now I've got to set this up properly in order for you to get a good glimpse into the sadistic mind of my boss. This cooler is actually one of those walk-in types that he so funnily refers to as the walking cooler. So on the door of so called walking cooler there was a huge piece of ripped carboard held on with grey duck tape which read:
TO THE MUTHERFUCKER WHO IS DRINKING MY CHOCOLATE MILK
STOP IT!
tc
Notice that motherfucker is spelled wrong!

My aunt's workplace also enjoyed a politically correct sign in their bathroom which read:
TO WHOMEVER IS WRITING WITH FECES ON THE LADIES ROOM WALL....

So I was interested in finding out what your stories are?

Gimme some Head

I love when I get a new tiny head under my followers category. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside! Yes people it has been so long that I refer to this as getting head!

A Job Well Done

Well I did it! I gave my speech and I totally ROCKED it out! I was so nervous this morning I thought the moment I got up there I was gonna fall over from exhaustion of not sleeping last night. I was up anticipating the damn thing all night! What is wrong with me?

I was scheduled to go first, so I went into class a bit early to get myself situated and decided that I was gonna take some deep breaths and just let go. That's what I did. I got up there, looked at the 20 something faces staring back at me and just let the shit fly out of my mouth. Since I had the advantage of going first I set the bar for the rest of them. And let me tell you, I set that bar pretty damn high if I do say so myself!

Thanks to all who encouraged me and gave out good thoughts, they came in handy!

Love and Pasta

I woke up this morning with an overwhelming domestic urge. At the time I didn't quite understand what it was that was driving me to clean and cook so early on a Sunday morning, so I just went with it. As I was putting together the ingredients to make my grandmother's tomato sauce I remembered: It is my ex's birthday today.

Aha, that's why I am feeling this way. I used to perform all those wifely duties; cooking, cleaning,nuturing, and I realized: I miss them.

I was stirring up more than just herbs and spices. Memories of our life together swirled around my brain and I just couldn't help myself; I started to cry. I miss her.

I know in my head that things are over between us, but if someone could let my heart know that maybe I'd be able to remember the devastation that she caused me.

Well all the cooking I am doing this morning won't go to waste anyways and I love the smell permeating through the apartment! My grandma used to tell me that she put her heart and soul into her special tomato sauce and I finally understand what she meant by that.

Anyone like a little heart and soul?

...mY Speech

I posted the other day about the introductory speech that I have to deliver for my Oral Communications class on Monday, well here it is. Please someone read this and tell me what you think, I could really use some feedback!

Who am I? This question frightens me. I've been trying to find out who I am for many years. This journey of self-discovery has spanned over 3 decades and I think I have identified at least one facet of who I am; I AM a survivor.

The other parts that make me who I am come to me in spurts. Some days I think I know exactly who I am. It is these days that I strive for; I exude confidence, determination, knowledge and gratitude. It is on these days that I remember where I came from, but also WHERE I can go.

On the not so good days my perception of who I am is quite fuzzy. I become moody and withdrawn. These are the days that I allow the demon of my past to wake and manipulate my thoughts and beliefs. The feelings of inadequacy, ugliness, and unworthiness was over me and I become stuck in the monster of what I once was.

A mere 5 years ago I was a dirty, hopeless, fearful junkie. Heroin controlled my every thought; it controlled me physically, emotionally and spiritually. I hated every fiber of my being and would pray to die.

I allowed that drug to destroy me and my family. There is a line in the Narcotics Anonymous text which reads, "We used to live and lived to use". There is no better way to describe a drug addiction. I could not function as a human being without injecting that poison into my veins. I loathed myself for what I was doing not only to myself but to my family as well, and yet I COULD NOT STOP. Daddy's little sugar bear had turned into an abomination, a dirty junkie living on the streets.

I won't go into the gory details but I will tell you this: That girl that was controlled by drugs is not the person you see before you today.

In remembering the hell I survived from, I have come to see who I am.

I am a 31 year old waitress, bound and determined to better myself. The words NO and CAN'T are not in my vocabulary. Against all odds I came back from the brink of death and do not intend on ever going back.

While getting clean, I recognize some goals I could set for myself. The first is to earn my associates degree. I WILL BE A COLLEGE GRADUATE.

I am pursuing a career in the field of medical coding. I WILL EARN MY CODING CERTIFICATE.

In closing I would like to answer a question that was asked of me many years ago: "What contribution would you like to make in our society that you hope will impact our future?"...

I have always secretly dreamed of becoming a published author. I would like one day to turn my story of adversity and strength into a book for others to read. If I could change just one person's destiny, I will have accomplished something.

Bottomless cups

I will enlighten you to one of the tables that I had to deal with tonight at work, just because I don't think it's quite fair to let these scumbags off that easy. The table consisted of 2 older couples who at the start proved to be pretentious assholes. When they were seated in my section, my table was the 3rd table that they were seated in. A little bit of musical chairs on a Thursday night! I knew I was in trouble when I approached the table and was completely ignored, HELLO THERE IS A HUMAN BEING STANDING IN FRONT OF YOU! When the did finally bless me with their acknowledgement the reply to my question of "what can I bring for you to drink" was huh?! Oh boy oh boy!

One of the women proceeds to order a glass of white zinfandel, (drink a real glass of wine!) with a slew of limes on the side and a glass of ice + a glass of luke warm tap water with an orange slice. Is she outta her mind? Lady we aren't running a fruit stand! I tell her we don't have oranges but I would be more than happy to put a lemon in her water (all the while gagging on my words) and she looks at me like I have 9 heads. No, she says, I don't like lemon. Fine whatever, I get the round of drinks and prepare myself for what is to come--pure hell!

After they consumed their meals, like any good waitress I asked if they would like desert and/or coffee. Yes we'd all like to have FRESH decaf (like I would possibly serve you old decaf, or perhaps regular in a decaf pot). Just a trick of the trade there folks! As I'm refilling their "fresh decafs" I cannot help but overhear their conversation. They are talking about someone, I'm assuming/hoping it isn't me. "Yes, she is JUST a waitress, she means NOTHING to me, she acts as if she's living in Fox Chapel (a ritzy part of the Burgh). mmmm, I am standing right there! Um hello, waitress here! Just then I happened to find that bottom to your bottomless cups of coffee!

Needless to say they didn't tip me appropriately, bastards! God I cannot wait until I can get the hell out of this business!

Hey folks, TIP your servers and for godsake be nice!

SPEECH ANXIETY

I am freaking out! I have an Oral Communications class this semester and we were told today that our first speach will be done sometime next week. I absolutely HATE public speaking. A few semesters ago I had to to a presentation on a research paper I wrote in my Psychology class. Although I did alright, the comment was made that I have the shakies hands ever. I used a power point and didn't think to ask someone to be my flicker so each time I had to turn the slide my hand would shake violently, enough that the instructor in the back of the room noticed!

Anyways we have to do an introduction speech about who we are and all that crap! I don't like talking about me, I don't have any problem with writing the speech it's the delivery that has me hyperventilating. I started to jot down some stuff while I was at work tonite (we were dead) but I think that I'm getting too personal. How much do I want to tell these people? I could care less what these 19 year old greenies have to say about me, so what am I so afraid of? The teacher told us that the number 1 fear of Americans is public speaking. Why is this?

DRUG ADDICTION

My favorite television show is Intervention. They portray drug addiction for what it is: total degregation; there's no fluff, no sugar coating, just the pure savage despair that is addiction.

For me, its not so much about watching the addicts themselves, it's the parents and their anguish. I humbly see through their eyes the hopelessness, fear, and anger that once dwelled in my own parents. If I allow myself to, I begin to feel ashamed of what I did to my family. I have to remind myself that I am no longer inflicting this hell onto my parents and for this I am grateful. It does not make watching the suffering any easier and there are many episodes that leave me breathless and even hysterical sometimes. Yet I continue to watch.

Addiction--baffling and powerful rips through so many families--too many to actually be counted. It is a horrible disease in which everyone involved is emotionally, physically and spirituality ruined.

As I watch these hour long episodes I cry. I cry for me, for my family, for the families and addicts on the show. I cry for society as a whole. It seems like there is never an end to the misery. I am one of the fortunate to make my way out of the demonic, devastating cycle of drug addiction; I NEVER forget that.

The thing about using is that no matter how much I didn't want to use, I COULD NOT STOP! I loathed myself and what I was doing but no matter how many times I told myself I wasn't going to do it again--I always did it.

Now I cannot say for certain what made me stop. I didn't have one of those divine interventions or spiritual awakenings; I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I don't try and figure out the reasons I stopped, I just know that I did and this is enough for me. My heart breaks for those who have yet to stop.

I have a strange fascination with addiction. I earnestly read books about other addict's struggles and I watch countless shows on drugs and such. Maybe I do it to remind myself of where I came from, or maybe I do it because I love to watch the addicts who are getting high. As sick as it sounds, just watching someone shoot up is enough to make my mouth water and butterflies to erupt in my stomach. I sweat profusely while I stare into their eyes watching for the telltale sign that the dope has hit them. It is a "freebie" for me; I get to feel the high without having any of the negative consequences.

I wish that I could save every addict from the hell in which they are living, but I cannot. Only the addict can save themselves. No amount of coercion, begging, pleading or bargaining can do it. You must make the decision and stick by it no matter what happens. There can never be an excuse to use.

I've been asked if I could, would I change my past? I honestly do not think that I would. Being a drug addict taught me so much about life. I learned how to survive through the most destitute of situations. I learned the hard way that while at times life can be great, most times it is down right horrible. My struggle has made me who I am today, and the knowledge gives me the strength to go on from here.

Anyone who comes across this post: The next time you see a drug addict, whether it be in person or on a tv show, remember that these people were once innocent children themselves and they have lived things that you may never have been able to imagine. If you are someone who has faith, say a little prayer for the addicts that are still out there fighting their demons and for their families who are fighting their own.