Why do I do this to myself? I got home this morning and the little red light is flashing away on my answering machine, yes I still live in the stone ages with an acutal answering machine, so I hit the button while juggling grocery bags and trying to not squash my cat in the process. "This is so and so from so and so firm, I have you listed as an emergency contact for a L... E.. blah blah blah. I froze. What did she just say? Did she say that name, the name that even 2 years later still sends butterflies through me? I hope she didn't say her name. Re-play, yep she did.
My first thought: How the hell did SHE get this number? When we were together we each had cell phones. This is a new number. When did she get it and why is she listing me as a contact. Does she still think of me?
After torturing myself for a few minutes I called the number. Although the woman can't tell me exactly the reason for wanting to contact L, I have a pretty good idea. It has something to do with a litigation said the woman. Oh. Okay. Is she hurt? Is she in trouble? Why in the world do I care so much? When are these thoughts and feelings for this woman who completely devastated me gonna go away? When will I stop thinking of her and what I could have done differently? Why do I still love her?
It is time for me to meet someone. I am tired of being alone, no one next to me in that huge King size bed. Nobody to laugh with, to hug and kiss and be myself with. No one to cook for and no one to fuzzle my hair before I fall asleep.
To the big guy up in the sky,
could you please send me a girl, one who will love me and respect me and NOT cheat and .....
I promise I'll be good, please I'm dying of loneliness over here.