Radio Please

What is up with the Christmas tunes already? Is it just Pittsburgh or all of you people over the world being brainwashed too?

I'm all for Chirstmas carols but come on it's not even Thanksgiving yet! I hate when they do this, the radio stations that is, every year it seems they start playing them earlier and earlier. If they keep this rate up we'll be humming jingle bells on the 4th of July for chirst's sake!

I just can't get into the holiday spirit when it is 55 degrees and there are still leaves on the trees! I know that this freakish weather isn't normal for an eastern state but seriously I am drawing the line. Please can we celebrate one holiday at a time! The poor turkeys, they are getting the shaft!

I like Christmas just as much as the next guy but it is too damned early for jingle bells, I'll be sick of these tunes before we even get a first snowfall! If I have to listen to ole chris cringle for the next 6 weeks I wont have to wait for reindeer; I'll run grandma over with my chevy!

Fear

It's only 7 am and already I've been hit with a bomb. When my phone rang at this early morning hour I immediately went into panic mode; who the hell is calling me this early? It was my father.

He said to me that he has something very important he needs to discuss with me, um ok daddy what's going on? The jist is this:

The company that my father has worked for for the last 34 years held a meeting this past week and told him and the other employees that they will be moving but they're not sure when and they will hope to be able to tell the employees by January. I am speechless.

My dad doesn't know whether or not he will have a job.

I am floored and tears are welling up in my eyes. You know what my wonderful rock of a father tells me:

"I will make it through this".

What?

The strength that eminates from my father is unfreaking believable. He is such a quiet and serene man. "Such is life" he tells me. He is the rock that holds my family together. I use to think it was my mother, who by the way is freaking out (and rightfully so) but no it is my dad, definately. He has this kind of courage that you just don't see anymore. I love that man to pieces.

As we were hanging up he tells me that he is gonna get all his ducks in a row and whatever happens, happens. He is not bitter, he's not freaking out, kicking or screaming, crying, No he's getting their finances straight and looking at options and talking about a future. He is my hero today and I only wish to have half of his strength.

I love my parents and I am scared for them. I know this is happening to Americans all over the country, but that doesn't offer any comfort. What is happening to our country? People who work hard all thier lives and do the right thing are getting shit on and I for one am sick of it.

I am by no means a religious person, so I'll ask you folks if you could, would you send some positive thoughts my family's way?

Yea I'm a Bitch, So What Else You Got For Me?!

I want to talk about how much I hate waiting on kids, toddlers, children, gremlins, babies etc. The other night I let out a sigh of disgust as I watched a family of 4 small children being sat in my section.

Yep you're right; I am prejudice. I HATE kids. No, I do not give you the benefit of the doubt; I judge you and your kids before I even approach your table.

I am bias I know, but after 17 years of cleaning up puke, throwing way tons of soggy sugar packets, and having my eardrums explode out of the side of my head I feel as though I am entitled to my hatred of ankle bitting toddlers.

Case in point:

As I am trying to take the order from the ADULT at the table, this whiny, snot-nosed little brat screams at me "hey lady". What? Are you f...ing kidding me, have some respect for your elders kid, I am here to make sure your stupid chicken fingers get here for you to shove into your face hole.

I am NOT one of those waitresses that dote over your "cute" offspring. Personally I don't think its so special that little Janey lost her tooth. Big fucking deal--we all lose teeth. Show me something truly spectacular like an olympic medal or your degree from brain surgery school or something.

While I'm at it, your precious newborn isn't all the cute. Frankly, she's quite ugly; she looks like an alien. Her skin is all wrinkly, her ears stick out from her big bald head and she's got a bad case of cradle cap, eww her head skin is fluffing off onto the table! Get her outta here or atleast put her back in that devise that took you an hour to get out of the car and lets say we get down to business:

Would you like soup or salad with your chicken parm?

Stupid is as Stupid does

The belief that our American children are retards has been proven yet again to me.

Yesterday I am sitting in my sociology class and I can't help but overhear the girl sitting next to me. She is asking her friend about the paper we had due that morning. She had to research the topic Indian government. Her question was... Did you really write your paper or did you just cut and paste it from the internet? Her equally dumb friend replied..."dah, I can't write I just copied it from Wikipedia".

After rolling my eyes about 100 times I decide I am going to enlighten these two morons about a little thing called plagerism.

I say to them... "You do realize that what you did is plagerism right"? Their blank stares told me that no they did not know what I was talking about. I tried to explain that when you use something that has already been written by someone else you have to cite it and can't take the credit for someone else's work. Easy enough, common sense, right?

Wrong.

Their reply to my infinite wisdom....

"Well Ms. S. didn't say that we had to use citations".

Really stupid. Isn't this common knowledge? What the fuck are we teaching kids in school? I don't know about you but I just assumed that everyone knew the rules about copyrights and plagerism and doing your OWN work?!

I guess not.

God I cant wait to be done with school.

I would also like to say that I miss Ron, hope you're enjoying your intermission buddy, but please hurry back; the withdrawl is getting pretty bad over here!

Today is one of those days .... I want to get high.

I want to escape.

I don't want to feel.

I am tired, so tired, overworked, and discouraged.

Alone and afraid.

I get so mad at myself for feeling this way; my life is going really good. Things could be so much worse; I could have no home, no food, no future. What is wrong with me? Why am I so self defeating? What is this allure of a drug that nearly killed me? Hiding won't do me any good, it won't make me "feel" better, it won't make me energetic; it will destroy again. It will rape me; it will cause turmoil and disgust and hopelessness.

Instead of doing what I am supposed to do: ignore, talk about, work through the urge, I am romanticizing. The needle slides into my vein like butter, the dark omniscent blood flows into the syringe and as I push the plunger the heroin slams into me like a roaring freight train. I feel it's warmth from the top of my head down to my toes. I am awashed in pleasure, no feeling, no anxiety, love and ... death.

I have to stop this. I need to stop this. I don't want to stop this.

Somedays I really HATE being a recovering drug addict. I hate this battle that I have to endure. Fighting myself is so difficult; but I must do it. I must not let It win again.

I imagine what my life will be like if I were to get high today. It is not the picture I want to see. I will not go back there. I will talk about this ugly feeling and I will not pick up the needle. I am safe again.