Well I can't remember whether or not I've posted about my job offering me a work from home position or not but in case I haven't...they did. Which by the way I am absolutely thrilled about, I cannot wait til everything is in order and I can start my workday without ever having to leave my house. That means no more having to clean the snow and ice from the car; which if I'm being honest, what I really do is go down and start my car and let it run for like 20 minutes until most of winter's "beautiful" gift has mostly melted away on its own! Geez that alone will save me hundreds of dollars in gas a year, I just absolutely, positively HATE the cold.
I'm not sure when this will happen but in the mean time they've started a pilot program which is allowing us to do our overtime for home. We don't use those big towers/hard drives anymore. We use something called a "virtual machine" which don't even bother asking... no freaking clue what it is. All I know is that it's like 10 times smaller than those tower things and that's about it. But the really cool thing about this thing is, I can somehow log into it using my laptop at home. I printed out the "instructions" on Friday which by the way was 25 pages long and thought to myself, "you may as well forget it, you'll never in a million years be able to figure this out". But to my total shock I was able to do it! Go me!!!!! I almost hit the floor when I figured out that I did it successfully. Me and technology are not the best of friends. But I like totally kicked ass today by installing this thing. So from now until I get sent home to work permanently I'll be able to work overtime from home. This is awesome for me because I don't usually work much OT because once quitting time rolls around my brain has turned to mush and I am so anxious that I'm ready to jump out of my own skin. This way I'll be able to take a break from it maybe take a little nap and then I can just log back on when I want and work another hour or 2 or whatever. I'm pretty sure I can work til like 9 p.m. With the holidays fast approaching I could really use the money so this will work out pefectly for me. Plus, I have got to get some serious cash stashed away and get my own place again.
Don't get me wrong I adore my parents but living with my mother as an adult is difficult to say the least. Christ almighty she didn't pay this much attention to me when I was 14! Now she wants to know where I'm going, who I'm going with and what time I plan on being home. And godforbid that I'm not home at the time I had said, she practically blows my phone up looking for me. It wouldn't surprise me one bit if she called upon the National Guard to go and look for my ass! Granted I gave the woman absolute hell when I was in my addiction but I've been behaved for a significant time now but she still has no trust at all in me.
She can be down right mean at times. For an example, on Friday a letter came in the mail for me the other day and the envelope ra stamp on it that said "do not tamper with" and had some kind of government looking insignia on it. There was no return address on it either. She literally flings it at me and says "what kind of trouble are you in now?" to which I reply, nothing I'm not in any trouble. I open the letter and here all it is is an advertisement for Kia Motor Company. I hand it to her and was like see, why do you always have to go there. Instead of apologizing she said something like, well how do you expect me to react? I was so fucking heartbroken that I ran up to my room and just cried. I'll never to anything more than a piece of shit junkie in her eyes. That hurts. I would just for once like to hear her say to me, that she's proud of me. I know I can't change who she is or any of the things that go through her mind. I know I can't blame her in a way but I just wish that she'd seem for who I am today and not the monster I once was.
I think this post is going to end up being much longer than I intended but there's been something major going on in my life that I can't say out loud to anyone. My very best friend in the world is incarcerated as I'm writing this, and he's still got about a year left to do. He actually ended up getting a great offer through the DA which I believe is going to save his life. My friend who'll I'll refer to for all intents purposes will be MCH. We met around 2 to 3 years ago and just immediately hit it off. I swear if I wasn't gay he would be my husband! We did actually give a romantic relationship a try for a while but I could not keep lying to myself and it wasn't fair to him either. I thought that when I had to give him the "breakup speech" MCH would hate me and we'd never speak again... so not the case. He completely understood and there were no hard feelings from either side. He is such an awesome guy. Anyways we have been writing these incredibly deep and honest letters while he's been away. We've gotten to know eachother on such an incredibly honest level that it actually amazes me. I have found my male soul mate. We're closer now than ever. MCH and I met while we were both using and although our relationship was "founded" on being junkies together we have always had a special connection. Well through our letters I found out that when he was married he had wanted children but his wife was just beginning her career in law and had no interest in starting a family. This broke his heart; he had always pictured himself a father but had given up on the idea even after they had been divorced.
I have always dreamed of being a mother and well I guess you can tell where this is headed - once gets out and we establish some serious boundaries, we are going to have a baby together! This is a huge commitment I know so I'm not jumping in without the two of us having several serious conversations but I'm going to get ( hopefully ) what I've always wanted - a beautiful, precious child with a man I admire and who will be a wonderful father. What more could I ask for?
