No Title

Well...where to begin?
There's a shit load of crap going on in my head right now but I just can't seem to focus on one or the other enough to get it into words. Lots of feelings goin on: loneliness, pride, happy, sad, frustrated. This annoying little blinking cursor is antagonizing me; it wants me to write something, feel something, say something...but what do I say? What do I allow myself to feel? What do I allow myself to put up on the shelf and deal with later? Will any of it make a difference? How bad to I make myself feel about things that are just not in my control before I say fuck it and move on?

So I've been thinking about maybe putting a personal ad in one of those city paper things. I know, how pathetic is that? I never thought it would come down to this. I just don't know how I'm going to meet someone when I don't go anywhere. I tried the free on-line dating sites and nothing really panned out. I guess I could try one of those ones they advertize on t.v. but money is tight and I don't know if I can justify paying for that in my head. No. I can't. So what's a girl to do? I am sick of coming home to no one. Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy being single sometimes. It's nice to not have to do things when really all you want to do is put on comfy sweats and sit down with a good book. But you know, it really is getting pretty boring and mundane around here. I just want someone to have a good time with and talk with and well of course.....

Anyone have any opinions out there? Where or how did you meet the person you're with? Suggestions would be welcomed.

This burnedoutwaitress is in desperate need of some help!

Stealing from another fabulous Blogger

So I just finished reading a post from one of my favorite bloggers, Lora over at Fever. I'd give you a link but I have really no idea how to do that. Sorry Lora.

Anyways, she was posting about Halloween and at first I just assumed it would be just another of her witty posts. But this one really got to me. She was talking about ghost babies. I won't try to describe it, she's a much better writer than I and I couldn't give it justice. But it got me thinking and feeling about the baby/ies that I so desperately want. It's tough being single still at 32 with absolutely no prospects out there. I want a family. I'd be a great mom, I know I would. See but I want to meet "her", you know the "one". And I'd want there to be an "us" first and then have the kid but who am I kidding? By the time all that happens I'll be way to old to have babies.

Sometimes I think, I'll just adopt one. But Pennsylvania is all about handing out babies to single, lesbians, who used to shoot dope. Then I think that maybe I can go to one of those sperm bank things but I don't even know if we have any of those in Pittsburgh and I would imagine if we did have one, it would be way out of my price range. And really I don't want to raise a baby all by myself. They're a lot of work. Plus I'd want someone else there to enjoy all the great things, first steps, first words, first poops in the potty with.

I used to play along with that game, you know the one, "It will happen for you, she'll come along when you least expect it", "you're time will come". I don't play along anymore. It's just not worth the heart crushing blows I take when it doesn't "happen" and she doesn't "show up".

I didn't mean for this post to be so dramatic. I just really want babies.