Thursday, October 29, 2009

Bottomless cups

I will enlighten you to one of the tables that I had to deal with tonight at work, just because I don't think it's quite fair to let these scumbags off that easy. The table consisted of 2 older couples who at the start proved to be pretentious assholes. When they were seated in my section, my table was the 3rd table that they were seated in. A little bit of musical chairs on a Thursday night! I knew I was in trouble when I approached the table and was completely ignored, HELLO THERE IS A HUMAN BEING STANDING IN FRONT OF YOU! When the did finally bless me with their acknowledgement the reply to my question of "what can I bring for you to drink" was huh?! Oh boy oh boy!

One of the women proceeds to order a glass of white zinfandel, (drink a real glass of wine!) with a slew of limes on the side and a glass of ice + a glass of luke warm tap water with an orange slice. Is she outta her mind? Lady we aren't running a fruit stand! I tell her we don't have oranges but I would be more than happy to put a lemon in her water (all the while gagging on my words) and she looks at me like I have 9 heads. No, she says, I don't like lemon. Fine whatever, I get the round of drinks and prepare myself for what is to come--pure hell!

After they consumed their meals, like any good waitress I asked if they would like desert and/or coffee. Yes we'd all like to have FRESH decaf (like I would possibly serve you old decaf, or perhaps regular in a decaf pot). Just a trick of the trade there folks! As I'm refilling their "fresh decafs" I cannot help but overhear their conversation. They are talking about someone, I'm assuming/hoping it isn't me. "Yes, she is JUST a waitress, she means NOTHING to me, she acts as if she's living in Fox Chapel (a ritzy part of the Burgh). mmmm, I am standing right there! Um hello, waitress here! Just then I happened to find that bottom to your bottomless cups of coffee!

Needless to say they didn't tip me appropriately, bastards! God I cannot wait until I can get the hell out of this business!

Hey folks, TIP your servers and for godsake be nice!


  1. BRILLIANT post, girl!

    I was clutching at your every word, wanting to SCREAM at those freaks!

    I laughed my ass off at this...

    ...One of the women proceeds to order a glass of white zinfandel, (drink a real glass of wine!

    THANK YOU! Drink a REAL glass of wine!!

    And what is it about people not acknowledging you? I get that all the time too. I say "Hello" to customers all day at at work and maybe ONE of them will respond. annoys the hell out of me.

    Thank you for sharing this because I'm always thinking it's just the people here in Philly who are only rude.

    Have great weekend, my friend!

    Happy Halloween!


  2. Pretentious assholes SUCK! May their crotches be infested with the fleas of a thousand camels and may their arms be too short to scratch! ;o)

    Love your blog; I skipped over from Vent! I'm looking forward to reading more of your stuff. :o)

    Have a wonderful Monday!

  3. We aren't what you would call wealthy people, but we ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS tip at least 20 percent ~ unless the service was just absolutely wretched ~ and then we tip fairly. We have never not left a tip. That would just be rude.

    I consider going out to eat a privilege and enjoy the experience even more when our servers interact with us and seem to enjoy what they're doing. I know there is no harder more demanding job out there and that good waiters and waitresses are worth their weight in gold. It's so easy to be pleasant and appreciative of good service. Why must so many people be total assholes?

    I hope you are rewarded more often than not. You sound like you'd be a lot of fun. Next time I'm in Philly I'll have to come see you. Just tell me where I can find you! Email me!