Thursday, December 3, 2009

Waitressing Flashbacks Part III

Sorry it's taken me so long to post part 3; hope you all enjoy it as much as Part I and Part II!

I have a confession to make: the story I posted about MOBY DICK'S Grilled cheese was an experience of my cousin J's who also worked at the same restaurant. Sorry J, here's your credit now get off my freaking back; love ya!

1. Oh Yea!

This hilarious episode came from a dear friend of mine whom I currently work with. She was at a previous job when a woman with 4 kids sat in her section. Of course like most of these dreaded tables the kids were obnoxious and the mother was 10 times more obnoxious. The icing on the cake was when the woman asked my friend to please bring over a pitcher of water with no ice and 5 glasses. Not really thinking much about it, my friend brings over the pitcher and walks away. As she glances back over her section she sees the woman ripping open a packet of cherry flavored Kool-Aid and proceeds to mix her own beverage of choice for her and her brats! Of course my friend was pissed; as well as she should have been, you don't bring your own drinks into a restaurant for God's sake have a little class, huh. My irate friend goes to her manager who was a complete pansy to tell him what's going on and his spineless ass just tells her to let it go. What a weinie!

2. Trix are for kids

My aunt, yep the same one, recently had an altercation at the restaurant she works at. I swear this restaurant attracts more assholes and weirdos than any other place on earth! But getting back to the story... this restaurants policy on ordering from the children's menu goes like this: any child under the age of 10 may order from the kiddie menu. Ok not rocket science here right?

A very obese woman sits at one of my aunt's tables and asks for a child's menu, my aunt nicely explains to her that she is in fact too old to order from the children's menu but tells the woman that they do have a "senior" menu which anyone can order from. The woman is baffled and pissed off and decides to just leave. Whatever no skin off my aunt's ass, ya know.

The next week the same woman plops her fat ass in my aunt's table again and before my aunt can say anything the woman whips a prescription from her purse and says that she is on a strict diet and her doctor wrote her a prescription to order off of the child's menu! WTF! Without missing a beat my aunt says and I quote, "I'm sorry but we don't fill prescriptions here"! Man I wish I was there. But once again we humble servers lose the good fight and management lets this woman order her kids breakfast for $1.99. Cheap bitch!

3. Ultimate fighting--server style

It is never a good idea to date someone you work with. At a place I worked at years ago the head waitress was dating one of the cooks. It was one of those tumultuous relationships that was just doomed to fail. Those two fought like cats and dogs while they were hashing out food to the hundreds of customers, and then as soon as they got a couple of beers in them they were all lovey dovey again. This "courtship" went on and off again for 3 odd years.

A new waitress starts, and of course the head waitress has to train her but instead of explaining the rules and showing her where things are the head waitress tells her trainee that HER boyfriend is the cook and to stay away from him. Can you imagine what is going through this girls head; she probably just like WTF I'm just here to make some money.

You can see where this story is going to go right? Well of course the cook and the new girl "hookup" and the head waitress finds out. The real problem is not so much that she found out, but when she found out. It was a crazy, busy, jamming Friday night.

I was minding my own business, trying to punch an order into the computer when all of a sudden I hear a loud crash. I peek into the kitchen and these two waitresses are going at it like Mike Tyson style; fists are flying, words are spewing and hair is everywhere! Just as I finish putting my order in, the doors to the kitchen come flying open and out comes a tornadous whirlwind of cat-fighting waitresses! They literally beat the shit out of each other in the middle of the dining room! Itwas total mayhem! Everyone just stood there, nobody had a clue what to do so we just let them duke it out! Customers were placing bets, odds were being calculated, it was great!

The newbie ended up mopping the floor with the head waitress and 2 weeks later they were both fired! What a great night though I tell you!

Burndoutw8ress, Pet Psychic

I think I have finally lost it! I have just spent the last 20 minutes having a conversation with my cat.

Mia, while cut as hell, is an incessant crier. She whines this tiny little Meow at all hours of the day and night and for no good reason I might add. She only started this little habit after the EX left a year or so ago. Can she really be missing her?

Ok so I did try to be understanding at first but now I am ready to kill her. That incessant little cry is annoying! I try everything: treats, a belly rub, petting, brushing, nothing works. She doesn't want anything, she just likes to hear herself I think.

So I pulled Mia onto my lap and asked her "what can I do to make you stop this whining?". She stared at me with those big golden eyes like, "but whatever are you talking about mommy?" then she starts purring. Augh! We are going to get to the bottom of this I say to her. I start talking with her as if I am her shrink. "Ok Mia what are you feeling right now". No answer just continued purring. This one sided conversation goes on until I realize that I am indeed talking to a cat and she is going to do whatever she wants. Cats are finicky that way.

Monday, November 30, 2009

Shitting Triangles

I of course have to make a joke about a serious problem I am having as a result of the medicine I must take to remain sober. I'm talking of course about methadone, which I take to be able to function without heroin.

I am grateful to methadone for saving my life and getting me to stop shooting dope but the side effects are gruesome! The biggest problem that methadone or opiate users for that matter, face is severe constipation. I experienced this when I was still using dope but whenever I felt the rumbling feelings of gas bubbles I'd just do another bag and those pesky pains would go away.

I am now not so lucky! There are times when I can't go for days. And I mean days. days. and days. It hurts to say the least.

I was in so much pain that I just couldn't take it anymore and I had to go the emergency room. Let me remind you that I am one of 50 million Americans who is UNINSURED, but I had to go. Talk about being embarrased; I wanted to crawl into a hole and die rather than tell the admitting nurse what brought me in to the hospital. I sucked it up and told and 2 hours later I got to see the doctor. All they could really do for me is give me an enema. Gross. That is all I have to say about that. But I felt better...until I got the bill: $425 for a freakin enema. Seriously you can buy a fleet enema at Rite Aid for about a buck!

I take an array of stomach/bowel meds daily: Miralax, laxatives, stool softners, fiber, fiber, fiber, water and more fiber. Yet I still get debilitating pains. I don't understand it and I can't stand it anymore.

I know that the easiest solution would be to just get off the methadone, but that scares me. What will happen. I am running myself ragged with school full-time and working full-time and I'm just afraid that if I get off meth I'll give in to cravings and exhaustion. That has been my problem every single time I get clean, I get tired and weak and I succumb to the evils of heroin.

For now I guess the best I can do is suck up the pain.

Best Show EVER

OMG, that was the BEST live performance I have ever seen! To say that I loved it isn't giving it enough justice! I was entranced for the entire show, it was just wonderful! I'm usually not much of a Christmas kinda gal but the Rockettes definately got me "in the mood" in more ways than one!

Ok maybe that was saying too much! But if you have the chance to see these high kicking, dancing machines do NOT hesitate! Someday I would love to get up to New York City to see them perform at their home stage but believe me Pittsburgh's production was spectacular.

If I had to choose a favorite scene it would have to be the wooden soldiers. I can't even imagine how many hours of rehearsals these girls go through to get it just right. Everyone is in unison and they have to be all stiff like soldiers and then fall into eachother, it is just great! I felt like a little kid again and I guess that's what Christmas is all about!

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Radio City here I come!

To Shirley, the woman I had the displease of waiting on yesterday afternoon, I will be watching for you and will be expecting the tip you so graciously "forgot" to leave me! Be afraid, be very afraid...

Well I feel better!

So guess where I am going today? To see the Radio City Christmas Spectacular featuring none other than the ROCKETTES! I am so excited. I love live performances and I've never seen the rockettes before. There are 9 of my female family members going; we are gonna have a blast! I'll let you know how it was, stay tuned....