Thursday, December 3, 2009
Monday, November 30, 2009
I of course have to make a joke about a serious problem I am having as a result of the medicine I must take to remain sober. I'm talking of course about methadone, which I take to be able to function without heroin.
I am grateful to methadone for saving my life and getting me to stop shooting dope but the side effects are gruesome! The biggest problem that methadone or opiate users for that matter, face is severe constipation. I experienced this when I was still using dope but whenever I felt the rumbling feelings of gas bubbles I'd just do another bag and those pesky pains would go away.
I am now not so lucky! There are times when I can't go for days. And I mean days. days. and days. It hurts to say the least.
I was in so much pain that I just couldn't take it anymore and I had to go the emergency room. Let me remind you that I am one of 50 million Americans who is UNINSURED, but I had to go. Talk about being embarrased; I wanted to crawl into a hole and die rather than tell the admitting nurse what brought me in to the hospital. I sucked it up and told and 2 hours later I got to see the doctor. All they could really do for me is give me an enema. Gross. That is all I have to say about that. But I felt better...until I got the bill: $425 for a freakin enema. Seriously you can buy a fleet enema at Rite Aid for about a buck!
I take an array of stomach/bowel meds daily: Miralax, laxatives, stool softners, fiber, fiber, fiber, water and more fiber. Yet I still get debilitating pains. I don't understand it and I can't stand it anymore.
I know that the easiest solution would be to just get off the methadone, but that scares me. What will happen. I am running myself ragged with school full-time and working full-time and I'm just afraid that if I get off meth I'll give in to cravings and exhaustion. That has been my problem every single time I get clean, I get tired and weak and I succumb to the evils of heroin.
For now I guess the best I can do is suck up the pain.
Ok maybe that was saying too much! But if you have the chance to see these high kicking, dancing machines do NOT hesitate! Someday I would love to get up to New York City to see them perform at their home stage but believe me Pittsburgh's production was spectacular.
If I had to choose a favorite scene it would have to be the wooden soldiers. I can't even imagine how many hours of rehearsals these girls go through to get it just right. Everyone is in unison and they have to be all stiff like soldiers and then fall into eachother, it is just great! I felt like a little kid again and I guess that's what Christmas is all about!