Thursday, December 3, 2009

Waitressing Flashbacks Part III

Sorry it's taken me so long to post part 3; hope you all enjoy it as much as Part I and Part II!

I have a confession to make: the story I posted about MOBY DICK'S Grilled cheese was an experience of my cousin J's who also worked at the same restaurant. Sorry J, here's your credit now get off my freaking back; love ya!

1. Oh Yea!

This hilarious episode came from a dear friend of mine whom I currently work with. She was at a previous job when a woman with 4 kids sat in her section. Of course like most of these dreaded tables the kids were obnoxious and the mother was 10 times more obnoxious. The icing on the cake was when the woman asked my friend to please bring over a pitcher of water with no ice and 5 glasses. Not really thinking much about it, my friend brings over the pitcher and walks away. As she glances back over her section she sees the woman ripping open a packet of cherry flavored Kool-Aid and proceeds to mix her own beverage of choice for her and her brats! Of course my friend was pissed; as well as she should have been, you don't bring your own drinks into a restaurant for God's sake have a little class, huh. My irate friend goes to her manager who was a complete pansy to tell him what's going on and his spineless ass just tells her to let it go. What a weinie!

2. Trix are for kids

My aunt, yep the same one, recently had an altercation at the restaurant she works at. I swear this restaurant attracts more assholes and weirdos than any other place on earth! But getting back to the story... this restaurants policy on ordering from the children's menu goes like this: any child under the age of 10 may order from the kiddie menu. Ok not rocket science here right?

A very obese woman sits at one of my aunt's tables and asks for a child's menu, my aunt nicely explains to her that she is in fact too old to order from the children's menu but tells the woman that they do have a "senior" menu which anyone can order from. The woman is baffled and pissed off and decides to just leave. Whatever no skin off my aunt's ass, ya know.

The next week the same woman plops her fat ass in my aunt's table again and before my aunt can say anything the woman whips a prescription from her purse and says that she is on a strict diet and her doctor wrote her a prescription to order off of the child's menu! WTF! Without missing a beat my aunt says and I quote, "I'm sorry but we don't fill prescriptions here"! Man I wish I was there. But once again we humble servers lose the good fight and management lets this woman order her kids breakfast for $1.99. Cheap bitch!

3. Ultimate fighting--server style

It is never a good idea to date someone you work with. At a place I worked at years ago the head waitress was dating one of the cooks. It was one of those tumultuous relationships that was just doomed to fail. Those two fought like cats and dogs while they were hashing out food to the hundreds of customers, and then as soon as they got a couple of beers in them they were all lovey dovey again. This "courtship" went on and off again for 3 odd years.

A new waitress starts, and of course the head waitress has to train her but instead of explaining the rules and showing her where things are the head waitress tells her trainee that HER boyfriend is the cook and to stay away from him. Can you imagine what is going through this girls head; she probably just like WTF I'm just here to make some money.

You can see where this story is going to go right? Well of course the cook and the new girl "hookup" and the head waitress finds out. The real problem is not so much that she found out, but when she found out. It was a crazy, busy, jamming Friday night.

I was minding my own business, trying to punch an order into the computer when all of a sudden I hear a loud crash. I peek into the kitchen and these two waitresses are going at it like Mike Tyson style; fists are flying, words are spewing and hair is everywhere! Just as I finish putting my order in, the doors to the kitchen come flying open and out comes a tornadous whirlwind of cat-fighting waitresses! They literally beat the shit out of each other in the middle of the dining room! Itwas total mayhem! Everyone just stood there, nobody had a clue what to do so we just let them duke it out! Customers were placing bets, odds were being calculated, it was great!

The newbie ended up mopping the floor with the head waitress and 2 weeks later they were both fired! What a great night though I tell you!


  1. "2 weeks later they were both fired!"


    Oh, wait... let me guess. They refused to do it again?

  2. All three of these stories blew me away, but the first and second one took the cake!

    What always amazes me about people like this is where do they ever come up with these idea's? And do they actually think their intitled to doing these things? WTF???

    And BRAVA to your aunt for her come-back line! That was brilliant!

    I get this kind of stuff all the time at my job too. Some of the things I witness with customers makes me stand there with my mouth open. And I'm not easily shock, either.

    GREAT post, my friend!

  3. That picture makes me think.."oh yeeeeeaaahhhh"

  4. I remember when I buffet hostessed, we had a regular eccentric who'd come in and ask for a glass of water and a glass of lemon slices. We offered lemon water free to all customers, so we really couldn't refuse, and there she'd sit, surrounded by lemon rinds and empty sugar packets, drinking her iced tea. In her particular defense, though, she was a good and relatively low maintenance customer, so the price of a lemon wasn't too much to keep her happy.

  5. Ivan
    Yea something about management wanting them to fight in jello or something, they weren't havin it! thanks for stopping!

  6. Ron
    you're right, What the F is wrong with people? Unfortunately they do feel entitled to this crap they dish out to us! Thank you for coming by my PA friend!

  7. selfdeprecate,
    You remember those commericals too!? When I was a little girl I used to be afraid of the big pitcher of Kool Aid busting through walls and screaming OH YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

  8. tiarra,
    Yea if they're on the low maintenance side I can kinda look the other way when they do stupid shit, but when it's those assholes that run you raggid I want to kill em', thanks for stopping by!

  9. Haha...that picture reminds me of all those commercials. He always kinda creeped me out for some reason, although I drank Kool-aid all the time as a kid. XD

    Lovely stories btw. Gotta love people like that. Sure do make life entertaining if nothing else. Sorry I haven't been commenting, been kinda out of it lately.