THE KISS OF DEATH

Well I guess I'm feeling better. I don't have the urge to slit my wrists, so there's a positive! No but seriously it's pretty easy for me to fall into those dark moods and start feeling sorry for myself and all that crap. I've had this knack since I was just a young girl. My mother hated it and I think that's why I secretly did it for so long...just to drive her insane!

I had to work tonight and usually when I get "ready" for work I just throw on a little bit of makeup (it sweats off anyways) and tie my hair back in a school-girl ponytail. Since I was feeling so low today I forced myself to add a bit more makeup, I actually did my eyes for a change and my hair fell just right for once. It helped to lift my mood and when I put my big Jackie O sunglasses on I got quite a few head turns driving into work! I felt kinda sexy and aint felt that way in a long time; too long!

We had a decent dinner rush for a Monday, its all about whether the Steelers win on Sundays! I swear it is the truth, if they win we get busy but if they lose you can kiss the beginning of the week goodbye. These steeler fans are no joke, its really kinda of sadistic and stupid if you ask me. I'm a huge fan, believe me and of course I don't like to see them lose but it does NOT control my life! My dad and brother completely lose all hope when they lose, they scream at the tv, throw shit, pick fights with my mother, its all pretty juvenille and stupid.

So what I really wanted to mention was this saying we have at work called "THE KISS OF DEATH" and I received it tonight!

When you give outstanding service to a table and they take notice and say to you, "oh thank you everything was great and you were the best server we've ever had" this my friends is the Kiss of death. These complimentary customers are tipping you with their words, not with moola. It never ever fails. At some point I will wise up and when they start their swooning I swear I am booking it from the table. Noway, no more, I will not tolerate it anymore! If I was so great why in the hell are you leaving less than minimum gratuity? What the hell would you have left if I had sucked?

Another thing that PISSES me off: Those little Jesus books that people pass out. The one I got tonite was wrapped around a $5 bill so I wasn't as pissed as usual, but most of the time these "Christians" are leaving a Jesus will save you pamphlet in lieu of a tip! How god damn Christian is this I ask!?

Folks come on tip your server!

Just Try It, I DARE you!

I was checking out the waiter's newest post this morning on waiterrant.net about tipping. There were quite a few comments posted that made my skin crawl and caused my mouth to drop open. Some people are so unware of how to tip it makes me sad. Here is a heads up to all of you people who are confused: MINIMUM GRATUITY IS UP TO 18% NOW! When you receive "bad service" you really have no idea what is causing this, and most of the time your idea of bad service and the wait staff's are completely different. When your food takes longer than usual that is NOT my fault, I AM NOT THE COOK! If by small chance I forget something, which happens very rarely in my section, try to remember that I am HUMAN and you yourself are not perfect. To the folks who think that this job is easy, here's my apron give it a whirl! You wouldn't last a week in my Easy Spirits!

Table 24

I was pleasantly suprized at work tonite when I had the pleasure of waiting on considerate people this evening. Can you believe it, there are still nice humans out there. In my line of work this is a rare occurance. These people treated me like a person and I appreciate that more than anything else. They didn't run me back and forth to the kitchen for shit, they spoke to me in a proper manner, and they tipped well to boot! So thank you table #24 for making my shift worthwhile. My faith in humanity has been restored, well until I go back to the restaurant on Monday! Enjoy the weekend everybody, what's left of it anyways.

Night from HELL!

What is it with people? When you come into a restaurant do all your manners, tact, and smarts just go out the door? Tonight was asshole night at the restaurant! Is it a full moon or are my fellow pittsburghers freaked out about the G20 and taking it out on me the lowly waitress or what? First table of the night was great but it was all down hill from there. My second table informed me that they had already eaten and weren't hungry they just wanted to have a meeting, get the fuck outta here does this look like a conference room to you? No it is not appropriate to go into a restaurant in the middle of dinner time and order one cup of soup and 1 piece of garlic bread. Oh this is classic, the guy asked me if we had any sweet rolls, am I wearing a Perkins uniform asshole, do you see fresh baked pastries anywhere? We got garlic bread or nothing!
My next seating was a couple who visit us atleast 3 times a week and we ALL hate them! They are old, cheap and lousy tippers. They split meals, which makes me cringe. The day my date takes me out and insists we share a meal is the day I kill myself. Not only are these people cheap they are demanding too, they only want to sit in 6 top booths, they order 2 waters with an even amount of extra lemons, I mean come on 1 of you can't have more than the other? Plus this idiots sit forever! They think nothing of sitting in your booth for 2 hours sipping on water and sharing a cup of soup! Their normal tip is around 2-3 bucks but tonite I got a measly $1.36, go fuck yourself!
The night went to hell from there, if I were to think back on it I would probably spontaneously combust, that's how pissed off I am. It wasn't just my section. Another server told me of a woman who told her she was watching her carbs so would the cook mind hollowing out her bread so she could still order a hoagie and not be cheating on her diet. Where the fuck do these people come from? God I can't wait to get the hell out of this business!

Medal of Honor

I have concluded that while most people are decent there are others out there that are not, they make themselves feel better by belittling others who are providing a service to them. Yep another waitressing horror story folks! Last night I had a gentlemen and his wife tell me that I was naive and stupid! Believe it or not I am at home blogging and not in jail, where I very easily could have ended up after waiting on these two! I was only trying to do my job and be pleasant. The guy asked me if we had Italian pizza, after calming the thoughts that were running through my head, I innocently said that I had watched a special a few years back that told of how the Chinese had invented pasta and pizza as well. You would have thought that I came out and told this guy that his wife was horrid the way he looked at me. Waiters everywhere know this look, it's like I have 9 heads or something. I instantly know this is a mistake to try and add culture to this couple's life, he looks at me baffled and tells me how truly naive I am for believing this. I don't argue I just take the order and walk away. Through the rest of their meal there are snide remarks, upturned noses, and whispering as I walk away from the table. When I ask how they are enjoying their pizza, the woman shakes her head. I ask if there is a problem and she tells me that the cheese doesn't taste right. I ask her what the problem is, is it salty, does it taste like its spoiled, what is it? I know there is nothing wrong with it, I just ate pizza an hour ago for my employee meal, but my job is to accomodate. She can't give me an answer, so I ask if they'd like a new pizza made or perhaps like to order something else. She dismisses me and says no everything is fine. If everything is fine what the fuck are you bitching about, just keep your mouth shut then, of course I only think this I would never actually say it out loud. (well I cant promise that on my last day of having to wait on tables I won't do this). They proceed to consume the entire pizza, so my guess is they were just looking for a free meal, which by the way they did not get. They leave behind their change, $1.23 all for me! One of the women who was sitting at a table across from them comes up to me and tells me that I deserve a medal for putting up with their shit. I thank her and tell her its just par for the course, it happens almost every shift. What really infuriates me the most about the whole situation is that this woman ( who should be ordained a saint in my book) tells my boss how well I did with that table that I do indeed deserve an award and that I handled it marvelously, my boss just snickers and says that yes she got a medal a few days ago. Where is this so called medal? My boss thinks that we are worthless and not deserving of praise and whenever we do get compliments he brushes them aside and refusing to acknowledge us. He doesn't care about the way his customers talk to us or treat us because he treats us the same way. Oh well what can you do? Serving is one of the most thankless jobs you can do. I think everyone should have to do it for just 1 month and see what it truly does entail.