Monday, March 7, 2011

It's been so long since I've been here that I honestly forgot how to log in to my blogger account! That's bad....bad blogger. But hey that's me...BAD. No I don't mean like Michael Jackson BAD, more like when some weirdo yells in the park, "BAD DOG". No not really like that at all, I don't know what I'm trying to say here folks. Maybe I'm just trying to win some of your attention back or maybe I'm just trying to spew this crap that's swimming around in my too full brain and my too empty heart. So much has been happening but really nothing is happening. Isn't life funny that way?

So it's been almost a year since I started my new job. I guess it's going ok. Somedays I don't feel quite as stupid as others so I guess we'll categorize that as progress. Office politics aren't all that different than restaurant politics... neither are fair and neither make much sense to me. I try and avoid all the backstabbing, gossipy, fat-ass women who are out to destroy everyone who comes in their path. I'm a loner and I somedays I'm proud of that and somedays not so much. Thank God I only half a half hour lunch. It's pretty difficult to pretend to talk on a cell phone for 30 minutes so nobody thinks you're a loser since you're sitting there all alone with your pb&j.

In case you can't read between the lines here; I'm lonely. And bored. And lonely. So I did sign up for a noncredit writing class at the community college but it was canceled. That sucked, I was really looking forward to using my brain for good instead of for denying elderly people their right to medical care. But summer is just around the corner and I'm hoping the sunshine will not only brighten the days but my mood as well. I hate when I get like this but after all these years I'm tired of fighting it too. What's the point really?

I'm down to 20mg of methadone and that probably has a pretty big effect on this dark mood of mine. But I'm happy to be almost done with that place. I've had the same therapist for almost 3 years there and I wasn't all that thrilled with her on day 1 so imagine how not thrilled I am with here on day 984! She's one of those "I'm gonna save every drug addict that walks through my door" superhero kind of rich upper class college girl. She needs some bitterness. A few of her clients need to overdose. Need to die. Need to be put in prison. Then she'll be a better therapist.

I'm not reading this before I hit the publish post button cause if I do I'm almost positive I'll edit the crap out of it. It's a whole lotta bitchin in one little post aint it? So anyways here goes....


  1. Haha, your post was fine! I totally understand and can relate to the "lonely" part. It sucks. Regarding your writing class, isn't there another school that you possibly take it? Should look into it.

  2. I know just the type of girl you are dealing with at the clinic. As someone who sort of looks like one of those girls (I'm wildly adorable and lily white) working in the field, I resent her for making my job harder than it has to be, because people assume I think and act just like she does. Grr. She probably loves to talk about how she knows Dan Marino's cousin or something equally obnoxious.

  3. The non-movement of sitting at a desk daily is enough to induce any kind of mood swing. Office politics always made me feel freakish, at least in the beginning. All that poison and me not interested. Now there's a find Where's Waldo. I began to feel so sorry for the vacuity of their endeavors. I'm a lifelong loner, even among other people. I never thought of myself as a loser and I'm damn sure you aren't either. Put down the cell phone. You are into writing so write your private journal about what you feel about those clods nearby or whatever. Stream of consciousness. Do what you apparently love when you feel the darkest. Hey, write dark. Write it and forger about the PB&J smudges.