Brain Trash

Wow, it's been way too long since I've posted anything on here. I apologize for that...I really did enjoy blogging but don't really have a reason why I stopped. I'd like to say it's just life; you know we all get busy and let things fall by the way side. Oh well it is what it is.

So alot has changed in the last few months. I started my very first "professional" job, I am now a CLAIMS BENEFIT SPECIALIST. In short I'm a claims processor for a health insurance company. I process claims for Medicare. Yep, government. It is frustrating at times and really I kinda feel like the enemy but I do enjoy it. It is definately challenging and makes me use my noodle. Not to worry though, I still wait tables on Saturday nights! I couldn't just give up that oh so rewarding job of serving the public! Well let me be honest; I couldn't just give up the cold hard cash!

I did finally get the hell outta the restaurant I was at. Not that this one is much different, just new faces. Restaurants are all pretty much the same. One huge difference though is that my new bosses don't call me a C_ _ _ when I make a mistake. I don't need to fill in the blanks do I? I'm sure you folks out there who've read this blog in the past will be able to catch on to that awful word I'm referring to.

Life sure has been different. Gone are the days when I could stay up to watch the 11:00 news! I feel like an old lady, in bed by 9:30, I'm a little embarrassed to admit that. But when you have to get up at 4 am it's next to impossible to keep awake past 9.

Family struggles are going on right now and I'm wading through as best I can. My mom is a different story. My brother has recently relapsed. He had close to 3 years sober and went out last week and threw it all away again. Boy he doesn't fuck around when it comes to destroying his life. In 2 short days he completely threw away a good job, a place to live, and the little bit of money he had saved. He's in a rehab now, so atleast we know he is safe. My mom has absolutely no idea how to stop babying him. He will be 29 years old next month and has absolutely nothing to show for his life. He's never grown up, never really supported himself and why would he, he's got mommy to do all that for him. Am I bitter? Yea maybe a little. Most of the frustration is actually geared toward the fact that he will never get better if he has someone to enable him to do the things he does. He will die if she doesn't stop.

Try telling this to her. You may as well beat your head off a rock. She is one of the most stubborn people in the world and that's her baby boy. I can only hope that she'll come to her senses and see that she is part of the problem but it probably won't happen. Until then I can only take care of myself.

Which by the way, I've been doing a pretty good job of. Well now that Ive gotten some of the garbage that has been swimming around in my head down here on electronic "paper" I feel a little less fucked up. Guess that's the reason I started blogging in the first place. Maybe I'll be good to myself and let some more of this trash outta my brain. Until next time.........