Wednesday, March 24, 2010

To Be or Not to

I can't believe that I have nothing to do or anywhere to be today. I finished up my externship yesterday so now I have the whole day to myself. I can anything I want or nothing; it's up to me! What a great feeling!

I enjoyed doing my externship but I'm glad it is finally over. I was required to do 270 hours, which doesn't sound like that much; let me tell you, it is A LOT. I was doing 35 hours there a week plus working my waitressing job and I am exhausted and burned out! I was pretty fortunate to have gotten that site though cause I've heard some horror stories from other students. One girl told me that all her site allowed her to do was file old records for 270 hours; I'd kill myself.

The doctor and his staff were very nice to me and never tired of my endless barrage of questions. I learned a shitload of stuff that they just can't teach you in school. Dah, that's why they make you do one in the first place.

Even though I learned alot and truly liked the people there, some days were pretty akward for me. The office manager is a born again christian. I don't know how we got on the subject, but she was telling me that her oldest son is a gay man who has AIDS. She then proceeded to tell me that she prays that God releases her son from his "bondage" of homosexuality. I was stunned to silence. I didn't say anything. It wasn't the place nor the time to get into some heated arguement about sexuality and religion. Everyone has their right to their own beliefs. I'm pretty calm when it comes down to things like that. Yea I'm gay but not everyone needs to know that. I wasn't really all that offended. She wasn't gay-bashing or calling him a fag or anything. She is just a mom who loves her son but doesn't really understand what it means to be a homosexual. She is one of a million people who think it's a choice that we make and that we can just turn it off.

I asked one of my friends about what I should do. Should I tell her that I am gay too and that I don't see it as a "bondage". My friend kinda chuckled and said that she wouldn't say anything because then this woman would try to "save" me and start handing me little Jesus books and shit like that. So I laughed it off. Was that the right thing to do? Who knows. It doesn't really matter. I know who I am and I also know in my heart that god made me this way, it isn't bondage or a burden, it's just a part of who I am.


  1.! I really don't like hearing when people think they can "pray away the gay"....that's not right I don't think.

    I'm impressed by your reaction though, to be that level headed....and to accept that she was "everyone has a right to their own beliefs"...that's a very cool response. So many people would of instantly been infuriated and HAD to combat their views with their own...and these are STRAIGHT people...

    kudos to you for being so level headed.

    My i've been saying for my entire "To each their own"....we aren't put on this earth to judge....

    just my 2 cents


  2. I have no idea what I would do in that situation. I think I would just leave it alone for now. Like you said, she wasn't gay bashing. Maybe you could pray for HER to realize who her son is.

  3. im going to apologize in advance if this reply gets too lengthy, but i'll try not to bombard your comment box...

    i used to be just like this person. i guess technically she wasnt gay bashing, but it still wreaks of condemnation, judgement, arrogance and whatever else synonym you want to interject.

    there were several factors leading me to distancing myself from the church and one of those was/is the church's stance on gays. i know ALL the bible states on the matter and it seems pretty black and white, but when compared with reality it just didnt add up. it seemed literally impossible for all gays to choose to be gay what with all the bashing and unfair treatment they receive. i mean why would someone choose to be the subject of such hatred? do gay guys choose to walk and talk with the softness of a woman? i know not all gay guys talk like that and i hope this doesnt somehow come across as shallow thinking but it made me think about people in a whole new way. anyway, as a result i now find myself a believer in God but not necessarily christianity. i see a large chasm between the two that im navigating my through now.

    anyway, again i apologize for the sermon and im not sure what is the best way to handle the situation, but i wouldnt be too surprised if something offensive does eventually come from her.

  4. I think you answered you own question...

    "It doesn't really matter. I know who I am and I also know in my heart that god made me this way, it isn't bondage or a burden, it's just a part of who I am."

    All through my childhood I've had people mock, ridicule, tease, and judge me. Even now, at 54 years old, I've had customers call me a faggot at work.

    It's taught one very important thing...

    ...It doesn't matter because I know how I feel about ME.


  5. I think your friend is right, just let it go. Obviously, her son hasn't ever been able to help her understand so the words of a stranger prolly won't make much difference.

    Besides, how awesome will it be for her to tell people how great you are; and then one day someone happens to mention that you are gay, imagine her reaction to that! Priceless.

    Being gay or not should not be the defining characteristic of one's life. Let your greatness shine and all the rest will fall into place.

  6. I didn't know you were did I miss that?

    And yeah, I think you probably handled it the right way. You didn't need her getting all preachy with you. There's a time and place for everything right?

    Glad to see you didn't let her "narrowmindedness" get to you. Not worth the bloodpressure spike.

  7. I love that when holy rollers espouse that whole "choosing to be gay" theory. It's like saying I chose to be left-handed. Come on.

    As for this woman--she was at your now-defunct externship, right? You aren't going to see her again, so I think you handled it well. Pray for her that she opens herself up to who her son is. It must be awful for him knowing how his mother feels.

  8. as a Christian, I believe that God loves all of us, no matter our race, creed, sexual orientation, or anything else. And it makes me sad that she sad something like that to you and about her son. Please don't let her statement make you feel like all Christians are like her b/c they aren't.

  9. I think you totally handled it the right way. Saying something to her would have made this weird between the two of you.

  10. Oof, good for you.

    I would've had a hard time not engaging her in a discussion about why she believes homosexuality is a choice...

    ...which would've been stupid because I wouldn't change her mind and she wouldn't change mind. Still, very tempting.

    You're a classy lady.

  11. you did the right thing.

    I'm taking a (very deep) Communications class right now, where I'm learning to keep my "gut" reactions to myself. You have no idea how hard that is for me. Well, you probably do. You "know" me pretty well by now!

    Kudos to you indeed!

  12. Absolutely don't engage her on any controversial subject. The key words here are "office and manager"
    She can make your life hell.
    Trust me.

  13. thank you to everyone who commented. It was very hard for me to sit there and keep my mouth shut but in the end it wouldn't have made a bit of difference-she'll believe what she wants to. Thankfully my parents are accepting; I can't imagine how he must feel, her son that is.