When I first thought about creating a blog I was unsure of what I wanted to say. I knew that I wanted an outlet for all the crazy goings on at my waitressing job; I wanted a place to share these stories and hopefully make somebody laugh. I never really thought anybody would find my blog let alone follow it, or for that matter comment and enjoy it. But it seems that is what has happened. I know that in the blogging world I am quite new and I don't have as many followers as most. I'm ok with that. I never in a million years thought I'd have any followers; now I have 50!
I like that number. It's even and divisible by 5. It seems like a good number to round off to; it is half of 100 and there even is a bill of money in it's honor. 50. I like it.
I don't know where this post is really going to or what the hell it is I'm trying to say. I just felt some kind of way when I logged on this morning and saw that I had acquired some new tiny heads in the collection. I feel proud. I also feel like what the hell do these people see in this little blog of mine? I sometimes feel insubstantial to the other bloggers that I follow. It seems that they write about all sorts of things. I love each of the ones I follow for different reasons. Some of them are funny and some are poignant and brutally honest. I don't feel like I can even come close to their wityness or excellent writing. I just want to belong though and I guess I'm starting to feel that way. Maybe.
It's weird; my brain that is. The thoughts surrounding this post are jumbled and racing and I don't know in which direction I should go. But that's pretty much what my life is feeling like now too. I feel like I'm being pulled in so many different directions. I don't feel grounded and I don't like feeling not grounded. It can be a pretty scary and rocky place for an addict.
How can I try and explain this place I'm in? Ok, try to imagine what it would feel like to be one of those mandarin oranges that are stuck in jello. They're just there; they're kinda just suspended in air but not really because they're surrounded by a sticky, gelatinous substance. If that makes any sense to you, that's kinda what I feel like right now. I am a semi-suspended mandarin orange in a sea of lime-green jello. By the way I hate fruit in my jello.
One of the things I've learned in the short time I've been blogging. Never compare yourself to other bloggers. There will always be someone better,funnier, more creative. Always.
ReplyDeleteDo it because you enjoy it.
Those that follow you obviously enjoy what you write.
I feel the same way you do. But I know that eventually I'll feel a bit more grounded. So if I can be ok with that, so can you. (;
ReplyDelete"It can be a pretty scary and rocky place for an addict."
ReplyDeleteBreathe in, breathe out and don't do anything you will regret in between.
I always try to remind myself that it's not about me.
BTW - don't mess with the title.
ReplyDeleteJust want to say Hi - I think I'll add my tiny head to your little collection. I see your nice roundy number 50 has already been messed with. At least 52 is pleasingly divisble by two. Umm, it is right? Math was never my forte... Happy VDay.
ReplyDeleteYou are amazing. I was blogging for almost 5 years before I got 50 followers! I'm so jealous.
ReplyDeleteANd the blogging and the followers and the stats and the everything about it is addicting for sure. It can be healthy and it can be unhealthy. Be careful. I just recently had to change my feed settings because it was becoming a point of obsessiveness for me. So stupid, I know. I'd lose 20 or 30 followers and freak out, feel bad because I offended people. I didn't care that I lost followers really, but I felt bad because I hurt someone's feelings. And I'd be up all night.
It sucks you in.
But, it's a good outlet.
So, find a balance. Keep it up if you want to. You rock.
I love your blog. A blog written by a waitress is A-OK in my book. ;) Keep on doing what you're doing. I'll keep reading.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI think what Lora shared is exactly what I would shared in my comment.
ReplyDeleteI think you'll find that the longer you blog, the less concerned you'll become of how many people are reading/following your blog, because you realize what it all boils down to is writing for shear enjoyment and passion.
And honestly, I have to tell you...I've gained and lost readers so many times in the past four years, I'm use to it. This is part of blogging.
As Lora shared, just be aware about how much attention goes into the follower widget or stats because it can become addictive and begin to alter how you write.
It's finding the balance. Being aware of your followers, but also remaining detached.
Be true to YOU. And let those who wish to read you, read you.
I've been reading you since the beginning and truly LOVE your voice.
You're a gem!
P.S. sorry for the double comment but I had THREE typos!#!?
Dual mom,
ReplyDeleteI will keep doing because I do enjoy it; thank you for your advise. You are so right there will always be someone better if I'm comparing myself. thank you.
Gavin,
Remember when grounded meant you couldn't leave your room!? Oh to be a 'grounded' kid again; how much easier life was! Hang in there with me k?
IT,
I know you were trying to be serious but all I could think of when I read your comment was the Karate kid and Mr. Meagi(sp?)"wax on wax off". anyway thank you for the advise; breathing and just being in the moment does help ALOT. No regrets btw!
Therese,
Well hello there newest tiny head, I'm looking forward to hearing more from you and I promise that by tomorrow night I will have visited you as well. Um not in your dreams like Freddy Kruger or anything just on your site...Oh and 52 is divisible by 2; the answer is 26, also a divisible number!
Lora,
Wow it took YOU 5 years to gain 50 followers? I find that really hard to believe, I mean I just love you-not in a gay kinda way although...ok never mind. Um where was I going with this; right ok I will take into consideration what you said about not letting it consume me. I do sometimes catch myself rewording something bc I'm not sure how someone is gonna take it but mostly I just write and screw whoever doesn't like it. Thanks for coming by I always enjoy reading your comments. Oh and we're getting another snowstorm today too! F-you winter!
Existential waitress,
Augh yes us waitresses are special kinda people arent we? Either love us or hate us but either way don't piss us off! You keep reading and I'll keep writing!
Ron,
"what it all boils down to is writing for shear enjoyment and passion". Yes I do enjoy this little blogging thing and I am gonna try my best to not compare myself to others. I get all excited when I see a new "tiny head" but I'm not gonna let it rule how I write or what I write and if I lose some oh well, there'll be others to take the place in the collection! Hang in there buddy snow is on the way!
There's always room for J-ello in a damn fine metaphor.
ReplyDeleteI'm honored to be a tiny head of yours and I hope your gelatinous funk soon clarifies itself and there is no longer fruit in your J-ello.
Cause, you know, that's just gross.
Yeah, just keep writing and screw those who don't like it. You gotta please yourself or you can't please anyone else.
ReplyDeleteYes, I know that's a paraphrase of another expression. Virtually anything I say comes from someone else with maybe a little rewording on my part.
I am honored that you even put me in the same thought as Mr Miyagi... and to be one of your shrunken heads ;-)
Hi
ReplyDeleteI'm late with my comment as usual.
I'm also very new to blogging and I must confess that I have the tendency to compare myself with other bloggers too who'm are much better than I ever think I'll ever be. So don't feel alone. I blog now just cause it's fun and I don't want to compare myself to others anymore.
I like your blog cause you write about everything that happens to you and in that sense we out here (in other countries) get to know you better. :)
You should have a splendid Tuesday :-)
Can I join your collection of tiny heads?
ReplyDeleteI'm also new to the blogosphere and its amazing how quickly it sucks you in. Got to check to see if anyones commented or how many followers you have. I have 8 and am very proud ( only been at it a couple of months and don't blog often.
Loved how you described the mandarin/jello feeling. Keep it up.
I hate jello, unless of course it's mixed with vodka in the form of a free shot.
ReplyDeleteI enjoy reading your jumbled thoughts. Focus and linear thinking are way over-rated.
Don't sell yourself short. You're a great storyteller. People wouldn't follow if you weren't.
ReplyDeleteYay, 52!