Love and Pasta

I woke up this morning with an overwhelming domestic urge. At the time I didn't quite understand what it was that was driving me to clean and cook so early on a Sunday morning, so I just went with it. As I was putting together the ingredients to make my grandmother's tomato sauce I remembered: It is my ex's birthday today.

Aha, that's why I am feeling this way. I used to perform all those wifely duties; cooking, cleaning,nuturing, and I realized: I miss them.

I was stirring up more than just herbs and spices. Memories of our life together swirled around my brain and I just couldn't help myself; I started to cry. I miss her.

I know in my head that things are over between us, but if someone could let my heart know that maybe I'd be able to remember the devastation that she caused me.

Well all the cooking I am doing this morning won't go to waste anyways and I love the smell permeating through the apartment! My grandma used to tell me that she put her heart and soul into her special tomato sauce and I finally understand what she meant by that.

Anyone like a little heart and soul?

IN LOVE

I am in LOVE, I think.

About 3 months ago we got a new waitress. The first time I met her I immediately thought she was gay. Not to sound stereotypical but she is plain; no make-up, man's watch, baggy pants, you get it. I was immediately attracted to her.

Now that we've been working together for a while, I've gotten to know her better, and I like what I see! The problem: She is NOT gay.

She is a great girl, she works hard, she has a college degree, she's funny, basically she is all I look for in a girlfriend, well minus the straight thing of course!

I can get over the fact that she isn't into women. What I cannot stand is that her "boyfriend" is an asshole. He got fired from his job over 2 months ago and is pretty much using her. Like I've told her a million times "you can struggle all by yourself". I don't think he really understands what he has. I would treat her so much better than he is.

Yea, I know I shouldn't be thinking this way but I cannot help it. Just the fact that I am interested in someone and could actually picture a relationship tells me that I am finally over the EX and am ready to move on and find the one for me.

It's a big step for me. The EX crushed me and I never thought I'd ever get over her, but like everyone told me, it happened.

So even though this little fantasy I have in my head will never happen, it's definately a start for me to fall in love again and I cannot wait to be giddy and stupid in love!

Morning Glory

I'm sitting on my porch on this beautiful, crisp, pre-fall morning, and I'm thinking about how significantly my life has changed. Just 2 years ago I thought my whole world was going to end when my ex left our relationship. I was completely devastated. My heart had been ripped out and stomped on; I wanted to die. I couldn't picture my life without her in it. We had made plans and I looked forward to growing old together. But life does go on. Things do get better and hearts do mend.

My life has definately changed. I'm going to school; something I had talked about doing for years, but never actually thought I'd do. I'm bettering myself and I am optomistic about my future. Although I don't have a special someone in my life, I do have my family and I couldn't ask for much more than that. I am finally at peace with myself and I look forward to things to come. Some days I still find myself thinking about her, but I guess it's easier to let go of those thoughts. I just wanted to share a sappy confession of me on this beautiful Sunday morning.