I REFUSE to let myself get all fat and squishy

So as you all know I recently changed careers. I was a skinny little waitress for 20 years and now that I sit at a desk for 8 hours a day, 40 hours a week, let's just say the weight has caught up with me. I'm no porko, but seriously my jeans are a little too snug for my liking. Plus now that I can't bank on making $400 in CASH this week, who can afford a new wardrobe? Certainly not me.

I work for a health insurance company and they offer all kinds of discounts and reward programs for "living a healthy lifestyle". Ok so I'm not stupid...their um discounts include making everyone succumb to these awful, embarrasing tests. I was cool with the blood work, checking my cholesterol and triglycerides but when the nurse pulled out a measuring tape, I got a little uncomfortable. "What's that for" I asked. The nurse kinda chuckled and explained that my company, who's looking out for my best interest (actually they're looking for the loophole to legally charge overweight/obese people more for their insurance benefits) would like to know my waist measurements. What can you do?

So anyways, I've "passed" 3 of the 5 required tests so that my premium won't increase by $600 this year, just $300 because I'm godforbid a smoker. Legal discrimination is what I call it.

I decided to take some action on my ever increasing waistband...I joined a gym. Gasp! I've never had to work out ever before in my life. Work used to be a workout for me. I used to punch in and run my ass off for 8 or so hours. Now, I sit. And I sit. And then I sit some more. So I did it, I actually got out of my comfort zone and admitted to another human (atleast I think he was human, his muscles were popping out all over the place, he actually looked a bit fake to me) that I am unhappy with my body and I'd like to do something about it.

God, what the hell did I get myself into? I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing in this place. I don't have my official "assessment" till tomorrow but I figured this morning that I could just go to said gym and start Thanksgiving off on a healthy note. So I walk in and go up to one of the treadmills. I don't know what all those buttons are for or what they do, I just starting pressing them and off I went. I'm walking somewhere close to snail speed and the woman next to me is running on this thing like the fucking cops are chasing her! I swear I felt like the biggest loser there ever was. It will get better...I hope anyway. I'm gonna do it, I'll stick with it and maybe someday I'll be runnin from the cops on a treadmill too!

S.W.F.

I feel like a little school girl! I have a major crush on someone that I work with. She is my mentor; meaning she's a senior processor that I go to with questions about claims and things like that. Did you ever have a crush on someone you know you just can't have? Well if you've never been there; let me tell you, it is no fun!

I know this woman is in no way shape or form a lesbian but that doesn't make me want her any less. She's smart, she's funny, and she's really good at her job. She helps me everyday and always has a lot of great advise and is supportive of me in this new career.

It is time; oh my God is it time! I've been single now for close to 3 years and I don't want to be alone anymore. So where do you meet people? Got me, I'm not really a drinker and the bar scene ain't for me. I tried the free internet dating sites but nothing really has ever panned out. I was thinking about putting a personal ad in one of the city papers but that's kinda scary. I guess though if I want to find someone worth my time, I'm gonna have to get outside of my comfort zone to find her.

Where are all the good looking, smart, funny, hard-working, intelligent, soft, caring lesbians?

Shutup Shutup Shutup....

Ok so a very good friend of mine, who just so happens to also be my hairdresser, had a beautiful baby girl 4 months ago. Now every single time I've seen this baby since her birth she has screamed and cried the whole time. I talked to the friend one day last week and she went on and on telling me how "good" the baby is now. How she can keep herself entertained for hours on end. How she "laughs" and "coos" and "goos" and makes cutsie faces. So I start thinking maybe it's time I have this friend and her baby-demon spawn over for a nice little visit.

I take the initiative and invite friend over for dinner this evening. In comes baby. She is very cute. Very fat. Very chunky. Very baby skinned. Cute. Cute. Cute. And screaming her fucking head off. This baby did nothing but cry and cry and then scream. Awwww, ain't she cute!

I love my friend and well I guess I love her baby (ok that's just a joke, don't anybody go calling the authorities) but man was I glad when they left! Props to all you mothers out there. That is some tough shit to swallow!